Political Crossfire Forums

Advocatus Diaboli · Joined: 19 Dec 2004 Posts: 269

Every Sunday I used to try to come up with something funny. I think I'm going to try again.

Close Shave
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up,
he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a
nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the
closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I
swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone
else does."

--------------------
Giving credit where it is due - http://www.jotw.com/cgi-bin/jokes/joke.pl

TheGirlNextDoor · Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 22608

:lol: :shock: :lol:

xsuite · Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 688 Location: The Colonies (USA)

hmmmm, it kinda scary :o. I dont get why that helped him get a shve on the cheeks. But its funny anyways.

Yayyyy GND is a Mod again!!!! Congratulations

beachbum bob · Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:14 am Post subject:

Two elderly friends, Bob and Jim, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels, and discuss the world's problems.

One day Bob didn't show up. Jim didn't think much about it and figured maybe Bob had a cold or some such ailment. But after Bob hadn't shown up for a week or so, Jim got worried. However, because Jim had no idea where Bob lived, he figured that he had seen the last of Bob.

A month had passed when one day Jim approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Bob! Jim was happy to see him and told him so. Then he asked, "For crying out loud, Bob, what in the world happened to you?"

Bob replied, "I've been in jail."

"Jail?!" cried Jim. "What in the world did an old codger like yourself do to get put in jail?"

"Well," Bob said, "you know Sue, that cute, little blond waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee and a Krispy Kreme doughnut?"

"Yeah," said Jim, his eyes getting wider. "What about her?"

"Well, one day she charged me with rape, and I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.

"And you only got 30 days for rape?"

"Nope, the judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

slitedeviance · Joined: 02 Sep 2006 Posts: 1599 Location: London

Bad taste joke of the day...

How do you kill a vegetable?

Switch off the life support machines...

LostSoul3412 · Joined: 10 Feb 2005 Posts: 8933

What do you get when you cross and elephant and a rhinoceros?

Eleph-ino!

Josh · Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 6646 Location: Across America

What's the difference between a pizza and a PHD in political science?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

tech30528 · Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:16 pm Post subject:

And now, for a double. This is how my favorite Polish joke became my favorite southern joke:

While working at a dealership here in NE Georgia, one of my coworkers (who had lived here his entire life) was telling Polish jokes. I'm 100% Polish, all eight great grandparents are from Poland, Prussia specifically. I love a good Polish joke. So Kieth (his real name) tells me one, and I return with this one:

A Polish man is having dinner with his wife and two kids, when he looks at his wife across the table, and says "Hey, after dinner, what do you say we send the kids outside to P-L-A-Y so we can fvck."

Kieth is just looking at me with a blank look on his face, so I start to explain, "You see, he spelled the wrong word, and.... ah, forget it."

tech30528 · Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:23 pm Post subject:

Josh wrote: What's the difference between a pizza and a PHD in political science?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

:clap: :rotf:
I've got to send that one to my sister. She's a Poly- Sci PHD. She is currently in Iraq, teaching at a college, evidently because she's stupid. I guess there just isn't enough chance of being killed in Madison, Wisconsin where she was.

Revenant · Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 17927 Location: Bliss

tech30528 wrote: Josh wrote: What's the difference between a pizza and a PHD in political science?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

:clap: :rotf:
I've got to send that one to my sister. She's a Poly- Sci PHD. She is currently in Iraq, teaching at a college, evidently because she's stupid. I guess there just isn't enough chance of being killed in Madison, Wisconsin where she was.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

You can also interject Philosophy/History in there too, I've heard many variations on that one.

agentkgb · Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Posts: 2241 Location: US

Advocatus Diaboli wrote: "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone
else does."
:lol:
:shock:

Josh · Joined: 01 Feb 2004 Posts: 6646 Location: Across America

Quote: I've got to send that one to my sister. She's a Poly- Sci PHD. She is currently in Iraq, teaching at a college, evidently because she's stupid. I guess there just isn't enough chance of being killed in Madison, Wisconsin where she was.

I lived in Madison for awhile and I live in NE Georgia now... voodoovoodoo.

tech30528 · Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:49 pm Post subject:

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex can make you're day,

anal sex makes your hole weak.

See' it's the joke of the week thread, so...

LostSoul3412 · Joined: 10 Feb 2005 Posts: 8933

Confucius say:

"Couple on seven-day honeymoon make hole weak."

DevilMan · Joined: 02 May 2006 Posts: 169 Location: Pennsylvania

This guy walks into a bar. He sits down and notices the old man next to him is holding a large bag of cash. He looks over at the old man and asks how did you get that? The old man say that he got it from doing one of the bar tender's challenges. The guy looks at the bartender and asks if he can do a challenge. The bar tender say "Sure thing... Let me see... Ok first you have to chug six beers, then you have to go outback and pull my dog's tooth but watch out he's mean, then you have to screw my grandma." The guy looks at the bar tender and says "Look, I can chug six beers, I can fight a dog and pull its tooth, but I don't think I can do an old lady... I'll get back to you." The guy starts drinking and in a few hours feels confident he can do the challenge. He walks up to the bartender and accepts the challenge. The bartender gives him a six pack, the guy chugs the whole thing. He say "Ok now that dog." He runs out the back door. The bartender sits there listening to the ruckus outside. The dog is yipping and screaming. The guy runs back in and says "Ok now where's that old lady with a bad tooth?"