Political Crossfire Forums

spearsy23 · Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Posts: 5624 Location: Fulton, Ks

How many times do we hear it in our lives? "Be yourself" and how many times do we reply with 'i really don't care what other people say or think about me'? But is that really true? Do we really not care? I'm one of the people who says that, and i've always actually believed it, but today i realised I don't act the same way around others that i act when i'm alone. But when i thought about it, who am i really? So i broke it down, and i realised i'm three people, the person i am by myself, the person i am around my family, and the person i am around my friends. So which one is 'myself' well the answer is, all of them. What i'm trying to say is yes i act differently to impress my friends or to gain their respect, yes i act goofier and maybe even deeper by myself, and yes i act a little more well mannered around family. But i also realised that this is okay, that there's nothing wrong with acting differently around different people. Why wouldn't i want people to like me? So ask yourself do you really not care what people think?

Part II

Now all these people that say 'be yourself' do they really want you to be yourself? I don't think so, everybody says it because they want you to think it's okay to be yourself. Or maybe even because THEY want to believe it's okay to be yourself, but you know who the people that are themselves are? Let's take high school for instance, you remember that kid that you'd see everyday but didn't know their name and really didn't care too? Well of course you don't, but that was the person that was 'themself'. Nine times out of ten that person wanted to be popular, wanted to have a lot of friends, wanted to be the prom king/queen. But they also wanted to be themselves, however they ended up unhappy because they couldn't adapt themselves. Should they have had too? I don't know i can't answer that question, but what i do know is that since they didn't people didn't accept them and they weren't as happy because of it. So i'll continue acting differently around different people and be happy about it.

The random musings of a high school student.

Wolverine · Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 10899 Location: Podunk, Colorado

So basically you just confused yourselves, therefore being owned by yourselves? Shouldn't you be worried about tearing a hole in time and space or something?

Demonic Spoon · Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 6845 Location: Ohio

I think you're missing the point. Doing stuff not to piss people off is a good thing. When you act slightly different around your friends, everyone enjoys themselves more.

Not "being yourself" would, for example, listening only to popular music/TV shows/etc...or SAYING that you do without actually doing it. Basically, it involves changing your base personality and interests to fit with the crowd.

F'losrix · Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 11:48 pm Post subject:

In the words of Howard Jones:

"But you just try being free my friend

And everyone will hate your guts, I only want to free"

ieatfood · Joined: 28 Mar 2005 Posts: 6332

that is such naiive crap
you learn real quickly in life that "being yourself" is a road to loserdom

success in life requires tact and skillful social maneuvering in many different situations

Shady · Joined: 13 Oct 2005 Posts: 7413 Location: VA

Demonic Spoon wrote: I think you're missing the point. Doing stuff not to piss people off is a good thing. When you act slightly different around your friends, everyone enjoys themselves more.

Not "being yourself" would, for example, listening only to popular music/TV shows/etc...or SAYING that you do without actually doing it. Basically, it involves changing your base personality and interests to fit with the crowd.

:tu:

Demonic Spoon · Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 6845 Location: Ohio

ieatfood wrote: that is such naiive crap
you learn real quickly in life that "being yourself" is a road to loserdom

success in life requires tact and skillful social maneuvering in many different situations

Define "success in life"?

I'd rather be a "loser" than a w****.

Gwin · Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 188

ieatfood wrote: that is such naiive crap
you learn real quickly in life that "being yourself" is a road to loserdom

success in life requires tact and skillful social maneuvering in many different situations

Yuppers. If you dont, then you'll get passed up and other people will beat you too them promotions.

Enoch · Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 9045

ieatfood wrote: that is such naiive crap
you learn real quickly in life that "being yourself" is a road to loserdom

success in life requires tact and skillful social maneuvering in many different situations Exactly. Try "being yourself" in all situations and see how far you get. Right or wrong, society has expectations on behavior. While those expectations change over time, if you fall radically outside the pail on behavior (including dress, speech, etc), you are likely to find yourself having extreme difficulties obtaining jobs, succeeding in interpersonal relationships, and merely getting along in society.

I'm sure we can all remember a situation in our lives like this:

You are walking through the mall, by yourself or with a friend, and you see a young man up ahead of you walking toward you. He is wearing a tshirt which proclaims "Satan is my f*cking copilot," baggy black pants with more zippers than cloth, a Satanic pentagram hanging from his neck, a dye-job black mane hanging in front of his eyes, greasy from weeks of non-bathing, and skin so pale you would swear he has absolutely no pigment at all.

Now, what is your initial reaction to him? Do you think A) "Good for him! He's being himself." or, rather, do you think B) "Dear God! What a freak."

If you answered A, then (truth be known) I think you are lying to yourself.

I don't know about the rest of you, but as a business owner (unless I ran a Goth clothing store), there is no way in hell that I would hire him. I don't care if he has an IQ of 180, an MBA from Harvard, and has the exact qualifications I am looking for. If someone cares to dress like that and present himself in that manner, then he isn't going to be working for me.

The Grandmaster · Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 10:22 am Post subject:

ieatfood wrote: that is such naiive crap
you learn real quickly in life that "being yourself" is a road to loserdom

success in life requires tact and skillful social maneuvering in many different situations

Pretty much have a point here.

Much of the time in life, you have to put on a show for people, because you're supposed it. Enoch pretty much said it best.

F'losrix · Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 10:34 am Post subject:

I'll take the honest freaks over the lying conformists anyday.

(Not to say that all freaks are honest, or all conformists liars, either).

ideal · Joined: 29 Jan 2006 Posts: 213 Location: Wyoming

I wasn't much of a conformist in highschool. I was in work during the same time period, mind you, but socializing didn't mean much to me back then. I had my core friends and a few girlfriends along the way so it didn't much matter if I was popular. It worked out pretty well for me.

In industry, on the other hand, I can not be myself. If I walk into a job interview singing old songs(which I often do when surrounded by friends) I'm almost certain not to get the job. Unfortunately, I've found that walking into an interview for a low level job dressed the way I prefer(suit and tie) tends not to work in my favor either.

F'losrix · Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 12:40 pm Post subject:

I think what's needed here is to understand the distinction between staying reasonably true to one's ideals versus the need to conform to basic social expectations in order to get along with people.

If one places a higher priority on being able to move freely about in public wearing only one's 'birthday suit', than on being allowed to move freely about in public at all, trouble is bound to result.

The trick is in finding the balance that lets you be yourself to a level of comfort that doesn't prevent you from reasonably functioning in greater society. Too often people go overboard in one direction or the other.

spearsy23 · Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Posts: 5624 Location: Fulton, Ks

Wolverine wrote: So basically you just confused yourselves, therefore being owned by yourselves? Shouldn't you be worried about tearing a hole in time and space or something?

Actually the two parts of the post were almost unrelated, one about being yourself through your own eyes, and one about the rest of societies outlook on being yourself ::shrug:: meh i was bored

justalking · Joined: 22 Oct 2006 Posts: 19

At the risk of sounding too philisophical or that i think too much of myself...

Isn't everythin you do, say or think being yourself? If you change what you do around different people doesn't that just show what kind of person you are.

I'm alot more comfortable around people i know well. I laugh alot more and make sarcastic comments, but when im arournd people I don't really know Im alot more withdrawn, I'm being myself by (as it were) not being myself.

Or if you try to radically change the way you talk and dress just to fit in, doesn't that just reflect your personality...

Just some toughts.

spearsy23 · Joined: 24 Oct 2005 Posts: 5624 Location: Fulton, Ks

justalking wrote: At the risk of sounding too philisophical or that i think too much of myself...

Isn't everythin you do, say or think being yourself? If you change what you do around different people doesn't that just show what kind of person you are.

I'm alot more comfortable around people i know well. I laugh alot more and make sarcastic comments, but when im arournd people I don't really know Im alot more withdrawn, I'm being myself by (as it were) not being myself.

Or if you try to radically change the way you talk and dress just to fit in, doesn't that just reflect your personality...

Just some toughts.

That's basically what i was saying in teh first part of the original post, and the second is talking about the general sense of the phrase.

Demonic Spoon · Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 6845 Location: Ohio

Quote:
If one places a higher priority on being able to move freely about in public wearing only one's 'birthday suit', than on being allowed to move freely about in public at all, trouble is bound to result.
Uhh, no..Not walking around naked is not "conformist"...it's simply not being a jackass to people who don't want to see your fire hose.

F'losrix · Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 11:40 pm Post subject:

Demonic Spoon wrote: Quote:
If one places a higher priority on being able to move freely about in public wearing only one's 'birthday suit', than on being allowed to move freely about in public at all, trouble is bound to result.
Uhh, no..Not walking around naked is not "conformist"...it's simply not being a jackass to people who don't want to see your fire hose.
It very much is conforming to a social norm. I don't clothe myself for other people's benefit. I do it so that I can operate in everyday society without having to be the object of constant harassment.

Demonic Spoon · Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 6845 Location: Ohio

Quote: It very much is conforming to a social norm. I don't clothe myself for other people's benefit. I do it so that I can operate in everyday society without having to be the object of constant harassment.

Okay. Do you also walk up to random people and flick them off? Why?

ieatfood · Joined: 28 Mar 2005 Posts: 6332

Demonic Spoon wrote: ieatfood wrote: that is such naiive crap
you learn real quickly in life that "being yourself" is a road to loserdom

success in life requires tact and skillful social maneuvering in many different situations

Define "success in life"?

I'd rather be a "loser" than a w****.

in order to be successful in the following activities, you CANNOT be yourself:

dating, interviewing, meeting new people, playing with kids, living with wife, meeting with clients

Thus, if you consider a person who fails at all of these activities to be a winner, then I stand corrected