Political Crossfire Forums

[Silkheat]

Quote: Security 'Bad News For Sex Drive'

A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research.

Researchers from Germany found that four years into a relationship, less than half of 30-year-old women wanted regular sex.

Conversely, the team found a man's libido remained the same regardless of how long he had been in a relationship.

Writing in the journal Human Nature, the scientists said the differences resulted from how humans had evolved.
Differences in sexual appetite may be driven by evolution.

The researchers from Hamburg-Eppendorf University interviewed 530 men and women about their relationships.

They found 60% of 30-year-old women wanted sex "often" at the beginning of a relationship, but within four years of the relationship this figure fell to under 50%, and after 20 years it dropped to about 20%.

In contrast, they found the proportion of men wanting regular sex remained at between 60-80%, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship.

Tenderness

The study also revealed tenderness was important for women in a relationship.

About 90% of women wanted tenderness, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship, but only 25% of men who had been in a relationship for 10 years said they were still seeking tenderness from their partner.

Dr Dietrich Klusmann, lead author of the study and a psychologist from Hamburg-Eppendorf University, believed the differences were down to human evolution.

He said: "For men, a good reason their sexual motivation to remain constant would be to guard against being cuckolded by another male."

But women, he said, have evolved to have a high sex drive when they are initially in a relationship in order to form a "pair bond" with their partner.

But, once this bond is sealed a woman's sexual appetite declines, he added.

He said animal behaviour studies suggest this could be because females may be diverting their sexual interest towards other men, in order to secure the best combinations of genetic material for their offspring.

Or, he said, this could be because limiting sex may boost their partner's interest in it.

Professor George Fieldman, an evolutionary psychologist from Buckinghamshire Chilterns University College, said: "These findings seem to fit in with anecdotal studies and his explanations seem plausible.

"The rational for why a woman's sex drive declines may be down to supply and demand. If something is in infinite supply, the perceived value would drop."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/health/4790313.stm



Another reason for men to forego marriage. It is like god is mocking us. Eventhough this is common sense that relationships destroy sex, it is interesting to see it scientificaly studied. So perhaps the decline of sex is no one's fault except nature.

Men take heed, and don't get married.

[BassistVIV]

Silkheat wrote: Men take head, and don't get married.

Did you mean "heed"? Because you said "head", as in the body part with your eyes and nose and mouth and such...

Not being a jackass, just clarifying.

Anyway, on topic, this is an interesting study. I never really planned on marriage in the first place, so... no views have been changed.

[Silkheat]

BassistVIV wrote: Silkheat wrote: Men take head, and don't get married.

Did you mean "heed"? Because you said "head", as in the body part with your eyes and nose and mouth and such...

Not being a jackass, just clarifying.

Anyway, on topic, this is an interesting study. I never really planned on marriage in the first place, so... no views have been changed.

heed, I am a terrible speller. I will change it.

[Ek0nomik]

Although the womens sex drive declined, it may not necessarily mean their desire for sex itself declined, rather the type of sex they were receiving. I think it's very important to mix things up within a relationship, and maybe they were just getting sick of the same old same old.

I hate how broad all these news broadcasts towards research are. It's impossible to tell how valid it really is.

[levin893]

This is just another reason to make sure that you marry the right person. Too many people today marry because of the physical connection. With things like this happening so soon into marriage, it's no wonder our divorce rate is so high.

[Ek0nomik]

levin893 wrote: This is just another reason to make sure that you marry the right person. Too many people today marry because of the physical connection. With things like this happening so soon into marriage, it's no wonder our divorce rate is so high.

True, but take a moment to look at the people who are so heavily preaching the "wait for sex until marriage argument". I follow this argument myself mind you, but many people from the religious right will argue this, attached with "Don't move in with your partner, it absolutely must be saved for marriage." Not only do I think all couples should live with one another before they get married, I think it should be a requirement (yes, very impractical and a violation of our constituion, I know I know). Honestly, we have a high divorce rate for a number of reasons. The preaching of duplicate home ownership being saved until oh so sacred marriage argument is one of them.

[levin893]

I don't think you have to wait til marriage to have sex. You should definitely move in with someone before you get married to see if it's right. All I'm saying is that we live in a very materialistic society. Sometime, actually quite often, people get married without recognizing that their attraction to their partner is purely physical. This leads them to fail in a few years after their sex life has slowed down. You don't have to wait til marriage to have sex. Just make sure there's something there before you take the vow.

[TheGirlNextDoor]

That is why marriage takes work. *Both* people need to work at it. You don't just get married and that's it. :?

Yes.

Women. Take heed. Don't get married.

[The Grandmaster]

This is one of the most disturbing things I have read in a long time, but it does not surprise me one single bit.

This is why I have always said I want to have lots of sex, with multiple partners before I get married, if in fact I ever do. This is why I have always said waiting until marriage to have sex is complete crap. If you want to do that, fine, your purgative. I believe it insane.

As I have said again and again, once you are are married, forget about it. Your sex is done. I've simply seen it too many times. People get married, and then try to hide their obvious depression due to sexual deprivation. Just about all I've ever seen is either due to a sense of security, the women thinks she no longer has to go through the horrible "chore" of sex anymore, since they are already married. Science now shows this. Women, by and large, just don't really want sex near as much, and certainly when married. That's why, if you are going to get married, get it out of your system first. Have lots of sex with lots of different girls. At least then, when you are starving for it later, with 12 kids running around and a women who becomes offended that you would even dare mention sex to her, you can at least look back onto a life where you were happy, and feel it not a life completely wasted, since you at one time, knew what it was like to be sexually satisfied.

Now yes, not all women are like this, I can’t generalize. But apparently, roughly 80% are. And people wonder why I advocate enjoying a healthy sex life before marriage.

TheGirlNextDoor wrote: That is why marriage takes work. *Both* people need to work at it. You don't just get married and that's it. :?


This is something I have always wondered. Perhaps you can help me. What you said above is often said of marriage. I always though a relationship should be to someone you looked forward to seeing. In high school and college, I always looked forward to seeing the cute girls at school I had crushes on. Later, I always looked forward to seeing the girls I was dating at the time (as few as they were.) It was an added bonus to my entire life.

But marrige has been described as "A chore." Like taking out the trash, or fixing the roof. "You have to work at it." You know, I never looked forward to something like taking out the trash or fixing the roof. Why should we get married at all, if the girl we once looked forward to seeing each time, becomes "work," akin to fixing a broken car, or mowing the yard?

I don't want to have something else to dread doing. Why can't we just have a girl where we always look forward to seeing her.

Can't it ever just be like that?

[TheGirlNextDoor]

I think it has more to do with other factors to be quite blunt and honest here, as a woman who was married for a lot of years and had quite the OPPOSITE experience of what this so=called study reveals.

A woman hits her sexual peak/prime in her early-mid 30's.. so this study while it might hold some truth, I question a few things.

Such as.. the women questioned.. how was their husbands stamina? Could they perform for longer periods of time? Because unlike men, women can't just turn on their sexual desire like a faucet. This is what I meant when I said you had to "WORK" on and in a marriage.

People tend to take things for granted and sexual desire isn't something that fades automatically...it normally does so because one or both people don't feel like WORKING on it.

But yeah. Anything to make it look like women are prudes and withhold the sex.... :roll: Since we're all the demon spawn and all.

[Silkheat]

Ek0nomik wrote: Although the womens sex drive declined, it may not necessarily mean their desire for sex itself declined, rather the type of sex they were receiving. I think it's very important to mix things up within a relationship, and maybe they were just getting sick of the same old same old.

I hate how broad all these news broadcasts towards research are. It's impossible to tell how valid it really is.

Yeah, but how do you really keep things fresh? Egg beaters and ketchup? No matter what for the most part it is going to be old hat, but moreso no matter what women's sex drives do decline in relationships.

[Silkheat]

TheGirlNextDoor wrote: I think it has more to do with other factors to be quite blunt and honest here, as a woman who was married for a lot of years and had quite the OPPOSITE experience of what this so=called study reveals.

A woman hits her sexual peak/prime in her early-mid 30's.. so this study while it might hold some truth, I question a few things.

Such as.. the women questioned.. how was their husbands stamina? Could they perform for longer periods of time? Because unlike men, women can't just turn on their sexual desire like a faucet. This is what I meant when I said you had to "WORK" on and in a marriage.

People tend to take things for granted and sexual desire isn't something that fades automatically...it normally does so because one or both people don't feel like WORKING on it.

But yeah. Anything to make it look like women are prudes and withhold the sex.... :roll: Since we're all the demon spawn and all.


Yeah it does take work, on both sides. From personal experience, and anecdotal evidenct, it is harder to have sex when in long relationships. Women, when you first date them, are more eager and exited to have sex. They give more it seems. As the relationship drags out all of a sudden a man is supposed to do a lot more for the woman just to get what was once a mutual thing. Betrayal? Nope, just the way it is. It is a funny thing in marriage that Jewelry and sex can be so intertwined.....

So if you want a good sex life; don't get married.

[Azuresidus]

The Grandmaster wrote: This is one of the most disturbing things I have read in a long time, but it does not surprise me one single bit.

This is why I have always said I want to have lots of sex, with multiple partners before I get married, if in fact I ever do. This is why I have always said waiting until marriage to have sex is complete crap. If you want to do that, fine, your purgative. I believe it insane.

As I have said again and again, once you are are married, forget about it. Your sex is done. I've simply seen it too many times. People get married, and then try to hide their obvious depression due to sexual deprivation. Just about all I've ever seen is either due to a sense of security, the women thinks she no longer has to go through the horrible "chore" of sex anymore, since they are already married. Science now shows this. Women, by and large, just don't really want sex near as much, and certainly when married. That's why, if you are going to get married, get it out of your system first. Have lots of sex with lots of different girls. At least then, when you are starving for it later, with 12 kids running around and a women who becomes offended that you would even dare mention sex to her, you can at least look back onto a life where you were happy, and feel it not a life completely wasted, since you at one time, knew what it was like to be sexually satisfied.

Now yes, not all women are like this, I can’t generalize. But apparently, roughly 80% are. And people wonder why I advocate enjoying a healthy sex life before marriage.

Sex is most definitely not a chore. Sometimes I want it more than the guy I'm with. But, should this change, I honestly don't have a problem with him getting it somewhere else, so long as he uses precautions and everything. And tells me, I think that I have a right to know. I want him to be happy, more than I want him to not put his penis in some random girl, or whatever. If it's really so bad that he is clinically f*cking depressed, he should go get laid. And if I can't give him that, someone else should. I like to think that he would come to me first and we could try other things or something. But, as long as I'm still the one he loves, that's what's really important. Maybe I'm just young and romantic, but I've never thought that sex and love necessarily went together. I don't think that I would ever have sex with someone that I didn't care for. But if it gets to the point that he would rather be with someone he is indifferent to then no one at all, and I can't or won't be with him, he should have sex with someone else. Maybe the relatioinship won't survive it, but better that than both of us being miserable.

All of that said, I really hope that I don't ever see sex as a chore. It's one of the most fun activities that I have ever engaged in with another person. I would hate to lose that. :lol: I would hate for any of this to ever come up in reality.

The Grandmaster wrote: TheGirlNextDoor wrote: That is why marriage takes work. *Both* people need to work at it. You don't just get married and that's it. :?


This is something I have always wondered. Perhaps you can help me. What you said above is often said of marriage. I always though a relationship should be to someone you looked forward to seeing. In high school and college, I always looked forward to seeing the cute girls at school I had crushes on. Later, I always looked forward to seeing the girls I was dating at the time (as few as they were.) It was an added bonus to my entire life.

But marrige has been described as "A chore." Like taking out the trash, or fixing the roof. "You have to work at it." You know, I never looked forward to something like taking out the trash or fixing the roof. Why should we get married at all, if the girl we once looked forward to seeing each time, becomes "work," akin to fixing a broken car, or mowing the yard?

I don't want to have something else to dread doing. Why can't we just have a girl where we always look forward to seeing her.

Can't it ever just be like that?

I like to think that it can. I would hate to ever think that being with me was something he simply felt obligated to do.

[Silkheat]

Dude what really s*cks is for honest guys we really get the shaft by feeling unwanted/ unloved. I had one long relationship and it was exactly like this. THe only time sex was good was break up/make up sex, and of course if I bought her something or treated her to something.

Why bother? I feel more attractive, get better sex, and enjoy life more just dating. Sex shouldn't be something I have to slave for. It is a two way thing, and women in relationships that pull this kind of crap should be kicked to the curb before you subject yourself to torturous counceling aimed at exposing you as the criminal not the victim. Understand this is just how it is, and deal with it accordingly.


I think they should do more studies on this. Maybe this would prevent many good men from falling for the old bait and switch.

Men get married hoping the women will stay the same, and women get married hoping to change the men. Neither get what they want.

[Winchester]

Silkheat wrote: TheGirlNextDoor wrote: I think it has more to do with other factors to be quite blunt and honest here, as a woman who was married for a lot of years and had quite the OPPOSITE experience of what this so=called study reveals.

A woman hits her sexual peak/prime in her early-mid 30's.. so this study while it might hold some truth, I question a few things.

Such as.. the women questioned.. how was their husbands stamina? Could they perform for longer periods of time? Because unlike men, women can't just turn on their sexual desire like a faucet. This is what I meant when I said you had to �WORK� on and in a marriage.

People tend to take things for granted and sexual desire isn't something that fades automatically...it normally does so because one or both people don't feel like WORKING on it.

But yeah. Anything to make it look like women are prudes and withhold the sex.... :roll: Since we're all the demon spawn and all.


Yeah it does take work, on both sides. From personal experience, and anecdotal evidenct, it is harder to have sex when in long relationships. Women, when you first date them, are more eager and exited to have sex. They give more it seems. As the relationship drags out all of a sudden a man is supposed to do a lot more for the woman just to get what was once a mutual thing. Betrayal? Nope, just the way it is. It is a funny thing in marriage that Jewelry and sex can be so intertwined.....

So if you want a good sex life; don't get married.

I can't comment on your long relationship sexual activity, but I've never experienced what you or the article are talking about and I've been in a monogamous relationship for almost 20 years.

I do wonder if a lot of the attitudes and preconceived perceptions people have about relationships and sex don't in fact become self fulfilling prophesies.

[Silkheat]

Winchester wrote: Silkheat wrote: TheGirlNextDoor wrote: I think it has more to do with other factors to be quite blunt and honest here, as a woman who was married for a lot of years and had quite the OPPOSITE experience of what this so=called study reveals.

A woman hits her sexual peak/prime in her early-mid 30's.. so this study while it might hold some truth, I question a few things.

Such as.. the women questioned.. how was their husbands stamina? Could they perform for longer periods of time? Because unlike men, women can't just turn on their sexual desire like a faucet. This is what I meant when I said you had to �WORK� on and in a marriage.

People tend to take things for granted and sexual desire isn't something that fades automatically...it normally does so because one or both people don't feel like WORKING on it.

But yeah. Anything to make it look like women are prudes and withhold the sex.... :roll: Since we're all the demon spawn and all.


Yeah it does take work, on both sides. From personal experience, and anecdotal evidenct, it is harder to have sex when in long relationships. Women, when you first date them, are more eager and exited to have sex. They give more it seems. As the relationship drags out all of a sudden a man is supposed to do a lot more for the woman just to get what was once a mutual thing. Betrayal? Nope, just the way it is. It is a funny thing in marriage that Jewelry and sex can be so intertwined.....

So if you want a good sex life; don't get married.

I can't comment on your long relationship sexual activity, but I've never experienced what you or the article are talking about and I've been in a monogamous relationship for almost 20 years.

I do wonder if a lot of the attitudes and preconceived perceptions people have about relationships and sex don't in fact become self fulfilling prophesies.


Possibly, that or you married a good women. THey are out there.

Let me get this straight however; You are saying that you have sex as regularly as you did when you first started dating? Or are you saying that you can still have sex when you want it, it just is that you don't want it as much?

[Winchester]

Silkheat wrote: Winchester wrote: Silkheat wrote: TheGirlNextDoor wrote: I think it has more to do with other factors to be quite blunt and honest here, as a woman who was married for a lot of years and had quite the OPPOSITE experience of what this so=called study reveals.

A woman hits her sexual peak/prime in her early-mid 30's.. so this study while it might hold some truth, I question a few things.

Such as.. the women questioned.. how was their husbands stamina? Could they perform for longer periods of time? Because unlike men, women can't just turn on their sexual desire like a faucet. This is what I meant when I said you had to �WORK� on and in a marriage.

People tend to take things for granted and sexual desire isn't something that fades automatically...it normally does so because one or both people don't feel like WORKING on it.

But yeah. Anything to make it look like women are prudes and withhold the sex.... :roll: Since we're all the demon spawn and all.


Yeah it does take work, on both sides. From personal experience, and anecdotal evidenct, it is harder to have sex when in long relationships. Women, when you first date them, are more eager and exited to have sex. They give more it seems. As the relationship drags out all of a sudden a man is supposed to do a lot more for the woman just to get what was once a mutual thing. Betrayal? Nope, just the way it is. It is a funny thing in marriage that Jewelry and sex can be so intertwined.....

So if you want a good sex life; don't get married.

I can't comment on your long relationship sexual activity, but I've never experienced what you or the article are talking about and I've been in a monogamous relationship for almost 20 years.

I do wonder if a lot of the attitudes and preconceived perceptions people have about relationships and sex don't in fact become self fulfilling prophesies.


Possibly, that or you married a good women. THey are out there.

Let me get this straight however; You are saying that you have sex as regularly as you did when you first started dating? Or are you saying that you can still have sex when you want it, it just is that you don't want it as much?

I did marry a good woman, no doubt about that.

I can have sex when ever and where ever the mood strikes me unless she is very ill or tired which is a rarity and she enjoys it as much as me. As far as frequency, yeah its gone down somewhat as I'm no longer 20, but on average the frequency has only gone down around 20% since then.

[The Grandmaster]

Winchester wrote:
I did marry a good woman, no doubt about that.

I can have sex when ever and where ever the mood strikes me unless she is very ill or tired which is a rarity and she enjoys it as much as me. As far as frequency, yeah its gone down somewhat as I'm no longer 20, but on average the frequency has only gone down around 20% since then.

It is a relief to see posts like this. They give me hope that perhaps I can still live a happy life, with companionship and sex. Though the odds are against it, at least it is plausable.

[Winchester]

The Grandmaster wrote: Winchester wrote:
I did marry a good woman, no doubt about that.

I can have sex when ever and where ever the mood strikes me unless she is very ill or tired which is a rarity and she enjoys it as much as me. As far as frequency, yeah its gone down somewhat as I'm no longer 20, but on average the frequency has only gone down around 20% since then.

It is a relief to see posts like this. They give me hope that perhaps I can still live a happy life, with companionship and sex. Though the odds are against it, at least it is plausable.

The only advice I can give you is just don't settle on someone, if they are the one you'll know it. Listen to any nagging doubts you might have, if you're in a relationship and doubts persist, do both of you a favor and end the relationship sooner rather than later and move on.

IMO much better to remain single than end up in a bad relationship, but I'ld rather be in a good relationship than be single.

[Ek0nomik]

Winchester, you have provided hope for millions.