Political Crossfire Forums

[Æ]

Gryff1nd0r wrote: Melchior wrote: Oh Gryff... Dominant, Asian, and now I find your bisexual as well?

I f***ing love you girl, don't ever leave me. :flwr:


:lol:

Well I'm not a practicing bisexual, I'm just going by the various crushes I've had.

In effect, I'm more asexual. I scare guys off (sort of on purpose, I'm not sure why I get a kick out of intimidating them) and while I am friends with mainly girls, many of whom are either lesbians or prone to same-sex "encounters" at parties and such, they don't consider me "available" since I don't identify as bi or lesbian... so as far as they are concerned I am straight (and I suck at it).
I'm pretty skilled at acting straight so very few people know that I'm bi. Accepting being bi was the first goal (the battle began at 14); the second goal was feeling comfortable in relationships, whether gay or straight. I achieved the first goal a while ago, but I've only accomplished the other recently. It has been tough on me not having serious relationships and the uncertainty and lack of comfort contributed to that and I'm glad that I'm finally much more comfortable about it.

[Gryff1nd0r]

For me, there really isn't an issue of "accepting" my sexual orientation. I never had a life-changing moment when I realized I was bisexual, and it hasn't changed the first thing about me. I think that is because I have always believed in the theory of a spectrum of sexual orientation... it just makes a lot of sense in terms of genetics and inheritence, fits in with observations and experiences of the people I know, and is supported by a lot of scientific evidence (behavioral study of primates, sexual behavior in humans, study of the way genes and inheritence work and the way biology effects sexual preference). Certain things that the theory of a sexual spectrum would predict, such as men congregating at the far ends of the spectrum moreso than women, are in fact true (this is similar to the inheritence of intelligence, where men are much more likely to be either retarded or genius).

Since I believed in that anyway, it came as absolutly no epiphany to me that I am sometimes attracted to girls. Big deal, so I'm somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, where MOST girls are (even if they don't admit it). My personality is one where I'm fairly detached from my own emotions and I like to psychoanalyze my own feelings and thoughts, so I was able to be honest with myself about who I am and am not attracted to, and didn't have any doubts or second thoughts about it.

At the same time, I've been careful not to parade it around (HEY EVERYONE, I"M BISEXUAL, AND YOU PROBABLY ARE TOO!!!), because the common way of thinking about sexual orientation is in black/white terms (bi now, gay later), and I don't really feel like putting myself in a position where people are constantly trying to figure me out (also, I know that when people are known to entertain attractions to both genders, they are labelled "confused", and I'm definitly not "confused").

I basically just tell everyone that I'm single and I like it that way, and then turn the conversation to sports or the weather. No need to get into details about anything else.

[Gryff1nd0r]

Melchior wrote: Gryff1nd0r wrote: melchior wrote: Gryff1nd0r wrote: In effect, I'm more asexual. I scare guys off (sort of on purpose, I'm not sure why I get a kick out of intimidating them)

Don't make me fall in love with you even more. :lol:

You like that, huh?

What makes most insecure men run away is what makes me want to stay, drop to my knees and obey. :P

That was kinda poetic I think.

Yeah, that was hot. :-D

[Eton]

I totally subscribe to Melchior's very first post of being attracted to feminine gender, it was so good to read someone so articulate about this, and the next time someone asks about it I will quote Melchior.

Question: whenever one discusses such things with friends I often get the feeling that male friends take bisexuality to mean 'secretly homosexual', so this makes me more reluctant to go into great detail about it. This is a shame because I am hardcore Bisexual, there is no way that I am straight or gay, I'm just a very sexual person. Any suggestions on how to make it absolutely clear that bisexuality is not homosexuality?

[Gryff1nd0r]

Eton wrote: Any suggestions on how to make it absolutely clear that bisexuality is not homosexuality?

It just depends on who you are talking to. So many guys are really homophobic, so if you hint at even one attraction to a man, "OMG YOU'RE GAY!" I don't know, from my experience that is just how a lot of guys are. Girls tend to be more understanding and open-minded. It probably also has to do with a much more negative stigma associated with male homosexuality compared to female homosexuality.

[TheGirlNextDoor]

Interesting. :-|

[Enoch]

Gryff1nd0r wrote: Eton wrote: Any suggestions on how to make it absolutely clear that bisexuality is not homosexuality?

It just depends on who you are talking to. So many guys are really homophobic, so if you hint at even one attraction to a man, "OMG YOU'RE GAY!" I don't know, from my experience that is just how a lot of guys are. Girls tend to be more understandihttp://www.politicalcrossfire.com/forum/posting.php?mode=quote&p=1457964ng and open-minded. It probably also has to do with a much more negative stigma associated with male homosexuality compared to female homosexuality. I think the negative stigma comes from the fact that many men think you have to be hyper-masculine to be a "real" man, and that being gay somehow robs you of your masculinity. Oh, and straight men like watching lesbian porn.

[Robin Hood]

Quote: I think the negative stigma comes from the fact that many men think you have to be hyper-masculine to be a "real" man, and that being gay somehow robs you of your masculinity. Oh, and straight men like watching lesbian porn.

The bit in bold, I think, is easily the most important point.

[Izzibeth]

*edit*

[Gryff1nd0r]

I sort of thought you could only be bi-SEXUAL in a sexual way... it doesn't have anything to do with liking men or women for friends better. If anything, the average straight girl has more female friends and the average straight guy has mainly male friends... its a matter of personality.

But seriously, think about it. Can you be bisexual in a NONsexual way? haha

[Æ]

Melchior wrote: I started a topic about bisexuality a while ago, and included a scientific spectrum with it, but that didn't work out so well...

So I'll just throw the topic out here again, but in my own opinion. I think bisexuality is greatly misunderstood, even by the gay community (who seem to believe it is a phase of transition or denial). In western culture people have the annoying need to pigeon-hole ideas into "black" and "white", which only complicates things because it isn't a black and white issue... everyone is a unique individual and throwing labels at people is restricting.

I myself have bisexual tendencies that seem to come and go, my love interest is in women (and if I get married it will be a heterosexual relationship) but I can enjoy a gay story or two, and sometimes I'm just interested in guys. I don't think I'm more attracted to women than men, so much as I'm more attracted to feminine gender than masculine gender.

Someone with my characteristics isn't so easy to categorize, and you just want to avoid labels or any questions that might force you to label yourself with the short answer. As far as I'm concerned sexual orientation isn't an identity, but a preference, and a person's sex (as in gender) is only one element of who they are, not the sole element you fall in love with.

I should be able to do whatever... er, whoever I want without having to carry a membership card.
I'm attracted to people; not specifically women or specifically men. I have the same kind of urges when it comes to men as I do when it comes to women. Sometimes I'm only interested in girls and sometimes I'm only interested in guys. Most of the time, however, I don't notice that I am any more interested in one over the other. I don't like being pigeon-holed, but I think the bisexual label would not be harmful if it meant simply that bisexuals are attracted to people regardless of gender.

At this point in my life, I've yet to meet the one that I feel is the 'right' person. If I do get in a long-term relationship with someone, he or she will most likely be bisexual although I would be pretty much a push over if I strongly felt that he or she was definitely the right person.

[Enoch]

Aereus wrote: Melchior wrote: I started a topic about bisexuality a while ago, and included a scientific spectrum with it, but that didn't work out so well...

So I'll just throw the topic out here again, but in my own opinion. I think bisexuality is greatly misunderstood, even by the gay community (who seem to believe it is a phase of transition or denial). In western culture people have the annoying need to pigeon-hole ideas into "black" and "white", which only complicates things because it isn't a black and white issue... everyone is a unique individual and throwing labels at people is restricting.

I myself have bisexual tendencies that seem to come and go, my love interest is in women (and if I get married it will be a heterosexual relationship) but I can enjoy a gay story or two, and sometimes I'm just interested in guys. I don't think I'm more attracted to women than men, so much as I'm more attracted to feminine gender than masculine gender.

Someone with my characteristics isn't so easy to categorize, and you just want to avoid labels or any questions that might force you to label yourself with the short answer. As far as I'm concerned sexual orientation isn't an identity, but a preference, and a person's sex (as in gender) is only one element of who they are, not the sole element you fall in love with.

I should be able to do whatever... er, whoever I want without having to carry a membership card.
I'm attracted to people; not specifically women or specifically men. I have the same kind of urges when it comes to men as I do when it comes to women. Sometimes I'm only interested in girls and sometimes I'm only interested in guys. Most of the time, however, I don't notice that I am any more interested in one over the other. I don't like being pigeon-holed, but I think the bisexual label would not be harmful if it meant simply that bisexuals are attracted to people regardless of gender.

At this point in my life, I've yet to meet the one that I feel is the 'right' person. If I do get in a long-term relationship with someone, he or she will most likely be bisexual although I would be pretty much a push over if I strongly felt that he or she was definitely the right person. Out of curiosity, have you dated a straight girl or gay guy who had a problem with you being bisexual?

[Æ]

UrielsFyre wrote: Aereus wrote: Melchior wrote: I started a topic about bisexuality a while ago, and included a scientific spectrum with it, but that didn't work out so well...

So I'll just throw the topic out here again, but in my own opinion. I think bisexuality is greatly misunderstood, even by the gay community (who seem to believe it is a phase of transition or denial). In western culture people have the annoying need to pigeon-hole ideas into "black" and "white", which only complicates things because it isn't a black and white issue... everyone is a unique individual and throwing labels at people is restricting.

I myself have bisexual tendencies that seem to come and go, my love interest is in women (and if I get married it will be a heterosexual relationship) but I can enjoy a gay story or two, and sometimes I'm just interested in guys. I don't think I'm more attracted to women than men, so much as I'm more attracted to feminine gender than masculine gender.

Someone with my characteristics isn't so easy to categorize, and you just want to avoid labels or any questions that might force you to label yourself with the short answer. As far as I'm concerned sexual orientation isn't an identity, but a preference, and a person's sex (as in gender) is only one element of who they are, not the sole element you fall in love with.

I should be able to do whatever... er, whoever I want without having to carry a membership card.
I'm attracted to people; not specifically women or specifically men. I have the same kind of urges when it comes to men as I do when it comes to women. Sometimes I'm only interested in girls and sometimes I'm only interested in guys. Most of the time, however, I don't notice that I am any more interested in one over the other. I don't like being pigeon-holed, but I think the bisexual label would not be harmful if it meant simply that bisexuals are attracted to people regardless of gender.

At this point in my life, I've yet to meet the one that I feel is the 'right' person. If I do get in a long-term relationship with someone, he or she will most likely be bisexual although I would be pretty much a push over if I strongly felt that he or she was definitely the right person.
Out of curiosity, have you dated a straight girl or gay guy who had a problem with you being bisexual?
I've yet to have a same sex relationship nor have I disclosed, so no. I have of course had the opportunity on more than one occasion, but wasn't ready for it at the time.

[George W Bush]

People are OBSESSED with catagorizing themselves as bi, gay or straight as if it will be engraved on their headstone at death.

But, bisexuals are more aware of the idea that they can be attracted to either sex, and it doesnt matter what sex they claim to be. It simply depends on the dynamic of attraction, which is way more freedom than either side of the fence realises.

[Enoch]

George W Bush wrote: People are OBSESSED with catagorizing themselves as bi, gay or straight as if it will be engraved on their headstone at death.

But, bisexuals are more aware of the idea that they can be attracted to either sex, and it doesnt matter what sex they claim to be. It simply depends on the dynamic of attraction, which is way more freedom than either side of the fence realises. You make it sound as though people who say they are straight or gay are somehow in denial or blind. That may be the case for some people, but hardly all. I am gay. I have no attraction to women, whatsoever. Yes, I can be friends with a woman, and can find a woman attractive. But, there is no physical, sexual, or romantically emotional attraction present with women.

[Æ]

UrielsFyre wrote: George W Bush wrote: People are OBSESSED with catagorizing themselves as bi, gay or straight as if it will be engraved on their headstone at death.

But, bisexuals are more aware of the idea that they can be attracted to either sex, and it doesnt matter what sex they claim to be. It simply depends on the dynamic of attraction, which is way more freedom than either side of the fence realises. You make it sound as though people who say they are straight or gay are somehow in denial or blind. That may be the case for some people, but hardly all. I am gay. I have no attraction to women, whatsoever. Yes, I can be friends with a woman, and can find a woman attractive. But, there is no physical, sexual, or romantically emotional attraction present with women.
Bisexuals are unaffected by gender in their relationships. This is something simple to understand and there's nothing offensive about it.

[Enoch]

Aereus wrote: UrielsFyre wrote: George W Bush wrote: People are OBSESSED with catagorizing themselves as bi, gay or straight as if it will be engraved on their headstone at death.

But, bisexuals are more aware of the idea that they can be attracted to either sex, and it doesnt matter what sex they claim to be. It simply depends on the dynamic of attraction, which is way more freedom than either side of the fence realises. You make it sound as though people who say they are straight or gay are somehow in denial or blind. That may be the case for some people, but hardly all. I am gay. I have no attraction to women, whatsoever. Yes, I can be friends with a woman, and can find a woman attractive. But, there is no physical, sexual, or romantically emotional attraction present with women.
Bisexuals are unaffected by gender in their relationships. This is something simple to understand and there's nothing offensive about it. I understand that, but the way GWB stated it made it sound as though he felt that people who label themselves as gay or straight are just pigeon-holing themselves for no real reason.

[Gryff1nd0r]

UrielsFyre wrote: Aereus wrote: UrielsFyre wrote: George W Bush wrote: People are OBSESSED with catagorizing themselves as bi, gay or straight as if it will be engraved on their headstone at death.

But, bisexuals are more aware of the idea that they can be attracted to either sex, and it doesnt matter what sex they claim to be. It simply depends on the dynamic of attraction, which is way more freedom than either side of the fence realises. You make it sound as though people who say they are straight or gay are somehow in denial or blind. That may be the case for some people, but hardly all. I am gay. I have no attraction to women, whatsoever. Yes, I can be friends with a woman, and can find a woman attractive. But, there is no physical, sexual, or romantically emotional attraction present with women.
Bisexuals are unaffected by gender in their relationships. This is something simple to understand and there's nothing offensive about it. I understand that, but the way GWB stated it made it sound as though he felt that people who label themselves as gay or straight are just pigeon-holing themselves for no real reason.

I think they are just pigeon-holing themselves, but it can be for good reasons depending on the person.

[F'losrix]

Gryff1nd0r wrote: I think they are just pigeon-holing themselves, but it can be for good reasons depending on the person.
I have to firmly disagree. And I think this is why there's such a lack of understanding between gay people and bisexuals.

Bisexuals seem to think that we've made a choice to be gay. Apparently their flexible orientation makes it impossible for some of them to conceive that others really don't have a choice. I was never faced with making such a choice - I have simply always been strongly attracted to men and not to women. No amount of my trying to make myself like girls in order to be 'normal' was able to alter this fact.

So this idea that we're pigeon-holing ourselves or choosing an orientation just because it's supposedly somehow easier is a bunch of crap. There is very little about having an homosexual orientation that I would describe as making things easier.

If bisexuals want us to respect their flexibility of orientation, then they'd better learn to respect our mostly fixed orientation as being just a difference in how some people's sexuality works.

Trying to psychoanalyze something for which you have no personal frame of reference comes off sounding like criticism of gay people for being different, and it just pisses us off.

[Enoch]

Gryff1nd0r wrote: UrielsFyre wrote: Aereus wrote: UrielsFyre wrote: George W Bush wrote: People are OBSESSED with catagorizing themselves as bi, gay or straight as if it will be engraved on their headstone at death.

But, bisexuals are more aware of the idea that they can be attracted to either sex, and it doesnt matter what sex they claim to be. It simply depends on the dynamic of attraction, which is way more freedom than either side of the fence realises. You make it sound as though people who say they are straight or gay are somehow in denial or blind. That may be the case for some people, but hardly all. I am gay. I have no attraction to women, whatsoever. Yes, I can be friends with a woman, and can find a woman attractive. But, there is no physical, sexual, or romantically emotional attraction present with women.
Bisexuals are unaffected by gender in their relationships. This is something simple to understand and there's nothing offensive about it. I understand that, but the way GWB stated it made it sound as though he felt that people who label themselves as gay or straight are just pigeon-holing themselves for no real reason.

I think they are just pigeon-holing themselves, but it can be for good reasons depending on the person. And why do you feel that way?