Political Crossfire Forums

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I prefer the term my unabridged dictionary uses: ambisextrous (variant of ambidextrous).

[Melchior]

aLienaTeD wrote: I prefer the term my unabridged dictionary uses: ambisextrous (variant of ambidextrous).

I love it! May I use that? :lol:

I'll reference you when I do (as long as I'm here).

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Melchior wrote: aLienaTeD wrote: I prefer the term my unabridged dictionary uses: ambisextrous (variant of ambidextrous).

I love it! May I use that? :lol:
NEVER! j/k

Actually, I got it from Random House Unabridged Dictionary, Second Edition.

Bisexual wrote: 2. sexually responsive to both sexes; ambisexual. -n. Ambisexual/Ambisextrous wrote: 1. a. sexually attracted to both sexes; bisexual.

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Melchior wrote: Sure, at the time. I already said my preference between women and men tends to alternate back and forth, I'm not sure if it's the same with other bisexual men (any input from male bisexual posters would be a appreciated).
I don't even know what it has to do with preference, but I have a need for both so I think it would be very difficult for me to stay in a long term monogamous relationship. That's not saying that it can't happen or that it won't, but if I find the right person, their gender won't matter.

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John Galt wrote: Aqui: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/05/health/05sex.html?ex=1278216000&en=5a82f18cadf2ad83&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss
Quote: Although about a third of the men in each group showed no significant arousal watching the movies, their lack of response did not change the overall findings, Mr. Rieger said.
Sure it didn't.

Next. :roll:

[F'losrix]

Melchior wrote: As far as I'm concerned sexual orientation isn't an identity, but a preference, and a person's sex (as in gender) is only one element of who they are, not the sole element you fall in love with.
It may be a matter of 'preference' when it comes to people who are substantially bisexual in orientation (I'm not in a position to say either way), but that's not how it works with someone who is primarily homosexual in orientation.

Example: I like cherries, but I prefer blueberries. If blueberries aren't available, I'm happy enough settling for cherries.

Now let's try a little substitution exercise: You like men, but you prefer women. If women aren't available, you're happy enough settling for men.

Is that how your sexuality works? I can assure you that mine doesn't work this way. I like men, period. I prefer men that I perceive as masculine, but I have in the past settled for men who were not so much.

On the rarest of occasions, I might find myself attracted to a woman in a way that can be classified as sexual, but definitely not in the full range or strength of affection/love/sexual attraction that I have felt toward other men. If this helps: I'm more attracted to women with some masculine qualities than to very feminine women. Still, it's hardly a matter of preference - given a choice between an effeminate man and masculine woman, I'm going to end up with the effeminate man - not because I 'prefer' men, but because I am never going to feel for a woman what I feel for a man. Whether that's because the 'bi' was socialized out of me, or due to some other factor is I suppose open to debate. In the end, all I'm concerned with is the result - that I identify as 'gay' because my feelings toward men versus my feelings toward women are pretty consistent and not something I picture changing at my age.

Consider again the cherries vs. blueberries example above. There are certainly times in my life when I've preferred cherries to blueberries, depending on my mood. Not so with my orientation toward men; I can't picture my mood ever leading me to prefer a woman as a life partner.

While I will agree with the other posters that many gay men do declare themselves to be bisexual as a transition to acknowledging that they're actually homosexual, I never really went through such a phase. I knew I liked guys (and not girls) pretty early on. My only challenge was in putting a name to that difference in orientation, since I couldn't identify with the very negative image of gay men that had been presented to me throughout my childhood and adolescence by family, teachers, church leaders, and the media.

I was once told by someone bisexual that they're attracted to 'the person', not the person's gender. Maybe that's true for some people, but for me it's both the person and their gender, because I've never had strong feelings for 'the person' without their gender being male.

That's my 2 cents.

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Skeptical Mystic wrote: On the rarest of occasions, I might find myself attracted to a woman in a way that can be classified as sexual, but definitely not in the full range or strength of affection/love/sexual attraction that I have felt toward other men. If this helps: I'm more attracted to women with some masculine qualities than to very feminine women. Still, it's hardly a matter of preference - given a choice between an effeminate man and masculine woman, I'm going to end up with the effeminate man. - not because I 'prefer' men, but because I am never going to feel for a woman what I feel for a man. Whether that's because the 'bi' was socialized out of me, or due to some other factor is I suppose open to debate. In the end, all I'm concerned with is the result - that I identify as 'gay' because my feelings toward men versus my feelings toward women are pretty consistent and not something I picture changing at my age.
I am capable of feeling just as strongly for a man as I feel for a woman, but I personally would never go out with either an overtly effeminate man or woman. To be honest, I don't like either of the effeminate/masculine extremes, but I could tolerate a little of either one as long as it didn't add an unnecessary dynamic to the relationship.

Quote: While I will agree with the other posters that many gay men do declare themselves to be bisexual as a transition to acknowledging that they're actually homosexual, I never really went through such a phase. I knew I liked guys (and not girls) pretty early on. My only challenge was in putting a name to that difference in orientation, since I couldn't identify with the very negative image of gay men that had been presented to me throughout my childhood and adolescence by family, teachers, church leaders, and the media.
Well, I've spent more time in confusion than I ever spent in denial. The confusion was mainly the unfortunate but not unusual result of social conditioning and not because I would have been confused for long if not for the boxfitters.

Quote: I was once told by someone bisexual that they're attracted to 'the person', not the person's gender.
Egg-zaactly. :tu:

[toddytodd]

Quote: I was once told by someone bisexual that they're attracted to 'the person', not the person's gender.
Until such time (if ever) humans evolve past their 'hang-ups' and issues with sexuality, this statement will, unfortunately, fall on more deaf ears than not.

[sparsely]

toddytodd wrote: Quote: ..they're attracted to 'the person', not the person's gender.

Until such time (if ever) humans evolve past their 'hang-ups' and issues with sexuality, this statement will, unfortunately, fall on more deaf ears than not.

If we evolve past our 'hang-ups' with sexuality, this same rule would probably be true for everyone.

[F'losrix]

aLienaTeD wrote: I am capable of feeling just as strongly for a man as I feel for a woman, but I personally would never go out with either an overtly effeminate man or woman. To be honest, I don't like either of the effeminate/masculine extremes, but I could tolerate a little of either one as long as it didn't add an unnecessary dynamic to the relationship.
Agreed. My example was worded more toward pointing out that while I'm drawn to masculinity, there's clearly something more to it for me than this single element. I don't care for the extremes of masculine/feminine either. I like a man who is masculine without being macho. That said, I don't dislike a man who has some feminine traits; I guess it depends on the specific trait we're perceiving as feminine here. Whining, manipulative, overly dramatic behavior definitely turns me off - but is it fair to classify that as feminine? Probably not, but people often do think of these as going hand in hand with being effeminate. I know a good many women who I'd say are feminine without expressing any of these negative traits. There are certainly masculine men who are manipulative and full of dramatic bluster - I don't like it in them, either.

Long story short (too late), my ideal would be a guy whose balance of masculine and feminine traits puts him slightly more on the side of being 'manly' than androgynous.

[~*Alex*~]

I dunno,

I'm a bisexual girl, with a preference for other girls, but I stick to other bisexual girls as many lesbians think we are "gamey" Lesbians, when in fact we are a separate distinct thing.

what I found odd about the study quoted in the NYT was that it claimed there were differences between male and female bisexuals.

[Enoch]

~*Alex*~ wrote: I dunno,

I'm a bisexual girl, with a preference for other girls, but I stick to other bisexual girls as many lesbians think we are "gamey" Lesbians, when in fact we are a separate distinct thing.

what I found odd about the study quoted in the NYT was that it claimed there were differences between male and female bisexuals. I have read papers that mention theories about how the reasons for male homosexuality and bisexuality are more likely to be genetic while female homosexuality and bisexuality is more likely to be due to social influences.

Now, I don't know how much data there is to support that (and without data, I am disinclined to believe it). But, it has been theorized.

[Melchior]

~*Alex*~ wrote: I'm a bisexual girl, with a preference for other girls, but I stick to other bisexual girls as many lesbians think we are "gamey" Lesbians, when in fact we are a separate distinct thing.

Gamy? Do you mean promiscuous?

The two major stereotypes I see bisexuals slapped with are promiscuity and denial. With women I don't know if it's denial or if it's the thought of being "fake".

[Gryff1nd0r]

Good post Melchoir.

To John Galts article... I've read something different but with a sort of similar conclusion... they showed images of gay men, lesbians, and straight couples having sex to HETEROSEXUAL men and women... nobody was turned on by the gay men, both were turned on by straight sex, and interestingly, both were turned on by lesbain sex. It seems that girls have a much greater tendency to be bisexual, while men tend to strongly prefer one gender over the other. This is also evident in surveys that show that when asked about participating in a threesome, straight men basically always want two women, while straight women almost always want one man and another woman.

Perhaps this comes back to the idea (that makes a lot of sense to me) that sexual preference is influenced by the X chromosome, which would make it more absolute in men and more blurred in women (who have two X chromosomes to draw from). There are also disproportionatly more men who identify as gay than women who identify as lesbians (this fits, because in our culture, someone who could go either way is pretty likely to go straight, for obvious reasons).

I am bisexual, definitly with a strong preference for the masculine. Any girls I am attracted to have masculine qualities though... nothing makes me throw up faster than Girls Gone Wild, I'm definitly not into the skinny/squishy/squeeling girls that guys usually like.

For a relationship, I couldn't see myself having an actual relationship with a girl, unless I was drunk and it was for one night (which is cool... less potential risks than if you have an overnight relationship with a guy). But I don't know if I'm cut out for a relationship with a guy either. I'm more of a loner.

[Melchior]

Oh Gryff... Dominant, Asian, and now I find your bisexual as well?

I f***ing love you girl, don't ever leave me. :flwr:

Gryff1nd0r wrote: Good post Melchoir.

Vielen Dank. :)

[Robin Hood]

Some of the stuff on this thread is really interesting, so I'm going to hijack it a little, if that's cool. I've been thinking for a while that I find different types of girls attractive for two different things. Some I feel like I want to love - or actually end up in a full-blown and loving relationship with - and some...well you know. This is heavily looks dependent, and both have sexual aspects.

I read in a British newspaper that women, in general, also make this distinction amongst men. If they are looking for a long-term relationship they look for softer looking men, and the converse is true for a bit of fun. This was not normally conscious either.

The ancient Greeks also made this distinction, but from what little I've read, it was common for a man to love a boy (and be sexually active) yet prefer sex with a woman. Or maybe it was the other way around, I can't remember.

In many of your posts I can identify the same split.

As for my own attractions, I reckon I'm attracted to my most opposite in most respects. I say 'most' opposite because I like ultra-feminine (by which I mean independnent and intelligent aswell) women but am not ultra-masculine myself not effete either though - if you understand. I am not bisexual, but I reckon I'd make a great lesbian if I were a woman. Also I am marrying a bisexual girl (I just don't know which one yet), they don't have to sleep with another woman in front just the thought is enough.

[Gryff1nd0r]

Melchior wrote: Oh Gryff... Dominant, Asian, and now I find your bisexual as well?

I f***ing love you girl, don't ever leave me. :flwr:


:lol:

Well I'm not a practicing bisexual, I'm just going by the various crushes I've had.

In effect, I'm more asexual. I scare guys off (sort of on purpose, I'm not sure why I get a kick out of intimidating them) and while I am friends with mainly girls, many of whom are either lesbians or prone to same-sex "encounters" at parties and such, they don't consider me "available" since I don't identify as bi or lesbian... so as far as they are concerned I am straight (and I suck at it).

[Melchior]

Gryff1nd0r wrote: Well I'm not a practicing bisexual, I'm just going by the various crushes I've had.

That's really all that's necessary I think, I'm only 18 and not experienced, but I know what my biology tells me.

Gryff1nd0r wrote: In effect, I'm more asexual. I scare guys off (sort of on purpose, I'm not sure why I get a kick out of intimidating them)

Don't make me fall in love with you even more. :lol:

[Gryff1nd0r]

melchior wrote: Gryff1nd0r wrote: In effect, I'm more asexual. I scare guys off (sort of on purpose, I'm not sure why I get a kick out of intimidating them)

Don't make me fall in love with you even more. :lol:

You like that, huh?

[Melchior]

Gryff1nd0r wrote: melchior wrote: Gryff1nd0r wrote: In effect, I'm more asexual. I scare guys off (sort of on purpose, I'm not sure why I get a kick out of intimidating them)

Don't make me fall in love with you even more. :lol:

You like that, huh?

What makes most insecure men run away is what makes me want to stay, drop to my knees and obey. :P

That was kinda poetic I think.