Political Crossfire Forums

Gryff1nd0r · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 2346 Location: Cambridge, MA

Has anyone here had that experience?

Its happened to me twice, the last time a few days ago.

Its really an amazing thing... when you are about to meet someone new, and you know that they are gay, you can't help but think about it when you meet them. You make judgements unconciously, no matter how hard you tell yourself not to.

But when you find out someone you really know is gay... at least for me, it didn't even phase me. It didn't change what I felt or thought about them. If I had to describe them to someone, I would use the exact same words as before (unless it was an interested member of the opposite sex).

You also realize that the person is really happier coming to terms with themselves than when they were confused or hiding something. Its actually easier to be around them because you know its them.

But of course, that's just my personal experience.

connermt · Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 1526 Location: CMH OHIO

Gryff1nd0r wrote: Has anyone here had that experience?

Its happened to me twice, the last time a few days ago.

Its really an amazing thing... when you are about to meet someone new, and you know that they are gay, you can't help but think about it when you meet them. You make judgements unconciously, no matter how hard you tell yourself not to.

But when you find out someone you really know is gay... at least for me, it didn't even phase me. It didn't change what I felt or thought about them. If I had to describe them to someone, I would use the exact same words as before (unless it was an interested member of the opposite sex).

You also realize that the person is really happier coming to terms with themselves than when they were confused or hiding something. Its actually easier to be around them because you know its them.

But of course, that's just my personal experience.

It's good that you could not change your views on this person at all. Many people don't have that ability. Some gay people even have their parents turn on them, which totally blows my mind......

Enoch · Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 8771

connermt wrote: Gryff1nd0r wrote: Has anyone here had that experience?

Its happened to me twice, the last time a few days ago.

Its really an amazing thing... when you are about to meet someone new, and you know that they are gay, you can't help but think about it when you meet them. You make judgements unconciously, no matter how hard you tell yourself not to.

But when you find out someone you really know is gay... at least for me, it didn't even phase me. It didn't change what I felt or thought about them. If I had to describe them to someone, I would use the exact same words as before (unless it was an interested member of the opposite sex).

You also realize that the person is really happier coming to terms with themselves than when they were confused or hiding something. Its actually easier to be around them because you know its them.

But of course, that's just my personal experience.

It's good that you could not change your views on this person at all. Many people don't have that ability. Some gay people even have their parents turn on them, which totally blows my mind...... I lost 2 good friends when I came out...and, six years after I told her, my own mother still won't talk to me about the fact that I'm gay, any guys I date, or anything related to my love life.

LostSoul3412 · Joined: 11 Feb 2005 Posts: 7781

This has happened to me multiple times, with male friends and female friends. With their interaction to me, or others within our "group", it has not effected us. We are all true friends, and sexuality does not effect our judgment of each other as human beings.

The rest of society, however, is a different issue. As a group of friends, we are also a support group that helps each other with our problems. One friend is a lesbian, who is ridiculed by her mother's entire side of her family every time she sees them. Another is also a female, that I have known for many years, and is constantly taunted and sneered at. Another is a male that accepts his sexuality to the point that he does not let other's opinions affect his life, which is a trait that I respect.

The worst case, however, is a male friend of mine that was nearly kicked out of his own home as a senior in high school with no job, no money, no car, and with no possessions because his parents were under the impression that he was homosexual "just to spite them".

I am amazed at how people can be so judgmental and cruel to others just because of their sexuality. We're all human beings, and attraction is different for each individual.

Gryff1nd0r · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 2346 Location: Cambridge, MA

LostSoul3412 wrote:

The worst case, however, is a male friend of mine that was nearly kicked out of his own home as a senior in high school with no job, no money, no car, and with no possessions because his parents were under the impression that he was homosexual "just to spite them".

Sad. It never ceases to amaze me how some parents really do think it is all about them. My parents thought that I developed very different political views than them "to spite them", and not possibly because I have intelligently formed views that I believe are right.

Æ · Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 5077

I don't have any friends who have disclosed, but my perception wouldn't change. I can't say that that was always the case. I certainly had a different perception of myself after realizing I was bisexual.

Gryff1nd0r · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 2346 Location: Cambridge, MA

aLienaTeD wrote: I don't have any friends who have disclosed, but my perception wouldn't change. I can't say that that was always the case. I certainly had a different perception of myself after realizing I was bisexual.

Really? Can you explain how your perception of yourself changed?

I am pretty bisexual, leaning towards straightness, and I think that most people are anyway. Most people identify as gay or straight, but I think that those labels are skin-deep. They are more advertisements than anything. I am happy to not assign myself a label.

My perception of myself hasn't changed one bit. However, I would say that over all, my perception of other people and how they choose to wear their sexuality has changed.

ToonArmyIsComing · Joined: 15 Feb 2005 Posts: 5888 Location: Ontario

This will happen to my family and friends one day ... unfortunately for me, that is my biggest fear --> how are people (especially my family) going to react to me coming out? :shock:

Æ · Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 5077

Gryff1nd0r wrote: Really? Can you explain how your perception of yourself changed?
Well, it has affected my confidence and pretty much killed any serious relationship I might have otherwise had. Confusion was the start for me and that eventually evolved to torment. I've known since I was 14 that I am strongly attracted to both girls and guys, but the peculiarities of those attractions didn't fit the cookie cutter mold I was trying to force myself into. In other words, if you are straight, you are only attracted to women; if you are gay, you are only attracted to men; if you are bi, you are attracted to both. In my situation, I didn't quite fit this bi stereotype squarely because it was not either/or, but rather, it was a composite set of likes/dislikes for each. I've come a long way in understanding that these likes/dislikes for each is who I am and that the label society throws at me is harmful for my own development of serious relationships with others. Now, without the labels, I've figured out who I am. All that remains is for me to figure out how to work with what I've got.

Gryff1nd0r · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 2346 Location: Cambridge, MA

ToonArmyIsComing wrote: This will happen to my family and friends one day ... unfortunately for me, that is my biggest fear --> how are people (especially my family) going to react to me coming out? :shock:

Well, what seem to be there general views on homosexuality?

ToonArmyIsComing · Joined: 15 Feb 2005 Posts: 5888 Location: Ontario

Gryff1nd0r wrote: ToonArmyIsComing wrote: This will happen to my family and friends one day ... unfortunately for me, that is my biggest fear --> how are people (especially my family) going to react to me coming out? :shock:

Well, what seem to be there general views on homosexuality?

Their view: Hang them all. In fact, don't just hang them ... torture them for a while, flog them, and then burn them! :-| :(

Gryff1nd0r · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 2346 Location: Cambridge, MA

ToonArmyIsComing wrote: Gryff1nd0r wrote: ToonArmyIsComing wrote: This will happen to my family and friends one day ... unfortunately for me, that is my biggest fear --> how are people (especially my family) going to react to me coming out? :shock:

Well, what seem to be there general views on homosexuality?

Their view: Hang them all. In fact, don't just hang them ... torture them for a while, flog them, and then burn them! :-| :(

Ouch.

well then, I wouldn't tell them. Or if you really want to, do it in an e-mail from another state. :-|

Æ · Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 5077

It is unfortunate that religion and sexual preferences are the biggest dividers. Most of the good friends I've lost have been because of one or the other (or both). I haven't really disclosed to friends, but going on in a relationship with them when it is already clear what their response would be seems pointless. At times, I do wish people were unable to think about religion or anything associated with it. I've lost friends because I couldn't deal with those surgically attached to their religions or others who would go off on tangents (whatever they believed or didn't). It's tough especially when you know that you'd be good friends with the person if it hadn't been for the religious shtuff.

ToonArmyIsComing · Joined: 15 Feb 2005 Posts: 5888 Location: Ontario

Gryff1nd0r wrote: ToonArmyIsComing wrote: Gryff1nd0r wrote: ToonArmyIsComing wrote: This will happen to my family and friends one day ... unfortunately for me, that is my biggest fear --> how are people (especially my family) going to react to me coming out? :shock:

Well, what seem to be there general views on homosexuality?

Their view: Hang them all. In fact, don't just hang them ... torture them for a while, flog them, and then burn them! :-| :(

Ouch.

well then, I wouldn't tell them. Or if you really want to, do it in an e-mail from another state. :-|

I will never tell them anything. :xx: The only problem is that they want to know why I no longer go out with girls or have a girlfriend.

aLienaTeD wrote: I don't have any friends who have disclosed, but my perception wouldn't change. I can't say that that was always the case. I certainly had a different perception of myself after realizing I was bisexual.

If you don't mind me asking, does your family/friends know about your sexual orientation? If so, how did they react when they found out?

Æ · Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 5077

ToonArmyIsComing wrote: If you don't mind me asking, does your family/friends know about your sexual orientation? If so, how did they react when they found out?
Not yet. They are lukewarm religiously (if that) so it wouldn't even be an issue and I don't think there will be a problem when the time comes (I *AM* sorry to hear about your case). The reason I haven't discussed it as of yet is I've been confused over a number of things and have only figured things out relatively recently.

Gryff1nd0r · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 2346 Location: Cambridge, MA

I never understand why people feel the need to "come out". I don't care if anyone knows or cares which sex I tend to be more attracted to. It doesn't matter. I'll be attracted to whoever I am attracted to, and I shouldn't need to label or limit myself to satisfy other people's desire to catagorize.

cap'n queasy · Joined: 15 May 2004 Posts: 34968

I think the people who really matter the most will stick by you when you "come out", whether they agree with your homosexuality or not. .

If they don't they are not really your friends anyway.

Enoch · Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 8771

cap'n queasy wrote: I think the people who really matter the most will stick by you when you "come out", whether they agree with your homosexuality or not. .

If they don't they are not really your friends anyway. There is nothing to agree with. You are either gay or your not. The item isn't open to discussion.

But, you do make a valid point that those who let the sexuality of a friend influence them were not truly friends to begin with.

cap'n queasy · Joined: 15 May 2004 Posts: 34968

Ok accept it as something good for you, then.

connermt · Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 1526 Location: CMH OHIO

Gryff1nd0r wrote: I never understand why people feel the need to "come out". I don't care if anyone knows or cares which sex I tend to be more attracted to. It doesn't matter. I'll be attracted to whoever I am attracted to, and I shouldn't need to label or limit myself to satisfy other people's desire to catagorize.

I see your point. Sometimes it is a way for people to psycologically lift the burden of a feeling of hiding something off their shoulders. TO each his own though. Odds are, after a while, people will figure it out anyway. But I guess it is liberating to some degree.