Political Crossfire Forums

Gryff1nd0r · Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 2321 Location: Cambridge, MA

I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ****, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?"

Enoch · Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 8750

It is possible that she knew her whole life, but didn't feel the courage to act on her sexuality until after the divorce.

Her ex-husband will likely have some questions of his own for her, possibly even the question you posed. However, he should understand that being gay or lesbian has nothing to do with the former girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife. It has all to do with being true to who you are, and finding the conviction to follow through with that.

Protostar

thegriffinator13 wrote: I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ***hole, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?"

Yeah, I feel for the guy. Do you know how humiliating it must be for a man when his wife leaves him for another woman? That type of humiliation is right up there with finding out you are dating your cousin or something along those lines. Yet another reason NOT to get married.

Malencontreux · Joined: 25 Sep 2004 Posts: 1762 Location: Portland.

If the woman wasn't really gay, she'd go find another man. So let's stop trying to turn this into something it isn't.

Sexuality is not defined. Ask any bisexual person, each one is different. They arn't 50/50. It's a scale from 100% gay to 100% straight and everything in between.

It's "common" because in this society, it's not excepted if you're gay -- generally that is, also lesbian are still women and they still want kids. You can love someone on an emotional level, I don't know how she did it for that long but there has to be a physical aspect involved. Luckily for women, they can fake an orgasm ... guys really can't haha.

Just look at some politicians who have come out gay, they've been married and have have kids. They're pretty much the same as everyone else, they just prefer the same sex.

I know I can't change my sexuality, no matter how hard I try.

00timh · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 12729 Location: upstate NY

thegriffinator13 wrote: I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ***hole, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?" this is common in small towns. There is a guy who everyone in the town knew was gay. Everyone but him. He got married and had a child. Sooner or later it caught up with him. He left his wife and started having boyfriends.

Suragia · Joined: 31 Aug 2005 Posts: 75 Location: Seattle, Washington

I'm sorry but I think you know who you are by the time your 13. Does that mean that you get a free pass later on when your 30 with couple of kids? This really s*cks for the husband or wife. I don't think its right to keep this double life and then marry someone thats has no idea or who might had idea about it. Being upfront is the key. How about the kids that don't understand why mommie or pops left to be with same sex? That would suck. The kids get hurt in all this.

00timh · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 12729 Location: upstate NY

Suragia wrote: I'm sorry but I think you know who you are by the time your 13. Does that mean that you get a free pass later on when your 30 with couple of kids? This really s*cks for the husband or wife. I don't think its right to keep this double life and then marry someone thats has no idea or who might had idea about it. Being upfront is the key. How about the kids that don't understand why mommie or pops left to be with same sex? That would suck. The kids get hurt in all this. Trust me, in the town I live in there is no such thing as homosexuality. everyone knew this guy was gay except him. He comes from a typical family of this area. conservative parents, dad's a mechanic and the entire family is into racing. His brother is a part time Bush race driver. His other brother has been on the pit crew of Dale Earnhardt Jr. I'm sure it is pretty easy to understand how someone would convince themselves they are not gay growing up in an environment like that. I don't feel for his ex wife. I know her and she is a moron. Everyone told her that he was going was gay and that it would never last. I do feel bad for his daughter though.

cap'n queasy · Joined: 15 May 2004 Posts: 34968

I feel sorry for the kids.

JDnCoke · Joined: 07 Mar 2005 Posts: 1153 Location: Oxford, Queen's

Let's not forget, sexuality isn't a fixed thing. Some people may develope late, maybe she just came to finally understand her feelings.

mwm1331 · Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 2629

Protostar wrote: thegriffinator13 wrote: I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ***hole, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?"

Yeah, I feel for the guy. Do you know how humiliating it must be for a man when his wife leaves him for another woman? That type of humiliation is right up there with finding out you are dating your cousin or something along those lines. Yet another reason NOT to get married.
What are you talking about?
This is one of the few men who can honestly say, "after me, as good as I am, there was no point in her even trying other men"

mwm1331 · Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 2629

thegriffinator13 wrote: I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ***hole, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?"
I don't buy it.
Homosexuals always say "we aren't attracted to toher sexes, when you point out gays have the exact same marriage rights as straights. Then when you get a situtaion like this its "oh she was just confused"
Maybe but she was attracted to her husband at least 4 times.
And I don't buy bisexuality either, I think Bi's are just so damn sex adddicted they'll get it anywhere they can. Kinda like a staright heroine junkie who will suck co*k to score. He aint gay he just doesn't care what he has to do to get his fix.

StrangerWitCandy · Joined: 02 Feb 2005 Posts: 4903 Location: Fairfax, VA

mwm1331 wrote: thegriffinator13 wrote: I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ***hole, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?"
I don't buy it.
Homosexuals always say "we aren't attracted to toher sexes, when you point out gays have the exact same marriage rights as straights. Then when you get a situtaion like this its "oh she was just confused"
Maybe but she was attracted to her husband at least 4 times.
And I don't buy bisexuality either, I think Bi's are just so damn sex adddicted they'll get it anywhere they can. Kinda like a staright heroine junkie who will suck co*k to score. He aint gay he just doesn't care what he has to do to get his fix.

well not everyone is the same. some people know they are gay, some people know they are straight, some people are confused. its not that complicated to see that people deal with sexuality on an individual basis. you can't say who people are and aren't really attracted to. if you aren't inclined to put all gay people in one little box then it may become easier for you to understand

Protostar

mwm1331 wrote: Protostar wrote: thegriffinator13 wrote: I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ***hole, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?"

Yeah, I feel for the guy. Do you know how humiliating it must be for a man when his wife leaves him for another woman? That type of humiliation is right up there with finding out you are dating your cousin or something along those lines. Yet another reason NOT to get married.
What are you talking about?
This is one of the few men who can honestly say, "after me, as good as I am, there was no point in her even trying other men"

Yeah sure. Like any man is honestly going to think that. You know you would be humiliated as would any man on these boards. You could tell yourself that to try and pep yourself up, but I doubt it would help.

TheGirlNextDoor · Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 22608

cap'n queasy wrote: I feel sorry for the kids.

Me too, cap'n.

Prole · Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 2246 Location: Edinburgh

mwm1331
Quote: I don't buy it.
Homosexuals always say "we aren't attracted to toher sexes
Homosexuals aren't attracted to other sexes. They are attracted to the same sex only. That's the definition of a "homosexual."

TheGirlNextDoor wrote: cap'n queasy wrote: I feel sorry for the kids.

Me too, cap'n.
I do as well, but the sexual orientation of the woman has nothing to do with it. It is still one person leaving her partner of several years for another, breaking up a family. It doesn't matter if she left him for a man or a woman, really.

F'losrix

mwm1331 wrote: I don't buy it.
Homosexuals always say "we aren't attracted to toher sexes, when you point out gays have the exact same marriage rights as straights. Then when you get a situtaion like this its "oh she was just confused"
Some people are confused about their sexuality. Some know they're gay and plunge into a heterosexual marriage nonetheless - and their is no single answer as to why; some do it for religious reasons, some because they hope it will change them, some see it as the only viable way to have children, etc. Note that I'm not saying I agree with any of them.

Quote: Maybe but she was attracted to her husband at least 4 times.
Typical overly simplistic answer. You acknowledge below that there are sometimes other factors that can motivate a person to have sex with someone they wouldn't otherwise find attractive. What makes you think a lesbian in a heterosexual marriage wouldn't have sex on the basis of something other than physical attraction to her husband?

Quote: And I don't buy bisexuality either, I think Bi's are just so damn sex adddicted they'll get it anywhere they can. Kinda like a staright heroine junkie who will suck co*k to score. He aint gay he just doesn't care what he has to do to get his fix.
Well, that carries the presumption that bisexuals are all promiscuous. Some of them are actually serial monogomists. Some will settle with one person for their whole life in a heterosexual relationship, even though they find people of their own gender equally attractive.

RainbowTrout_6 · Joined: 19 Aug 2004 Posts: 1311 Location: USA

What about Anne Heche? She was "gay", then she went straight.

I've known a few people that were gay but never came out until after college- and even after a family in some cases. On the flip side, I've known 3 people that professed to be gay, but then became straight.

Confusing stuff indeed!

F'losrix · Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:13 pm Post subject:

WPaoli wrote: What about Anne Heche? She was "gay", then she went straight.

I've known a few people that were gay but never came out until after college- and even after a family in some cases. On the flip side, I've known 3 people that professed to be gay, but then became straight.

Confusing stuff indeed!
It's confusing because people's actual behavior doesn't necessarily reflect their true sexual orientation. That is at least in part due to the fact that our society puts such pressure on people to conform to the model of heterosexual relationships and marriages that many who are gay feel their only chance at success in life is to push away their homosexual feelings and try to live a lie. Those that take this path have varying degrees of 'success' at it.

And some people are just confused, mistaking strong but temporary attractions to the same sex as meaning that they have a full-blown homosexual orientation. Or on the opposite side of the spectrum, assuming that fleeting opposite-sex attraction will be enough to in time overcome their much stronger homosexual orientation.

While most people are exclusively heterosexual or homosexual in their behavior, very few are completely heterosexual or homosexual in their orientation. Most people do gravitate strongly toward one end of the spectrum or the other, but for some of those who fall closer to the middle, it can be very confusing.

ToonArmyIsComing · Joined: 15 Feb 2005 Posts: 5888 Location: Ontario

Protostar wrote: mwm1331 wrote: Protostar wrote: thegriffinator13 wrote: I know a woman who was perfectly straight and married with 4 children, who around the age of 35, divorced her husband and moved in with a woman. She now identifies herself as a lesbian.

I am wondering if this is common... I have heard that it is. WHY? I mean, if you are really unattracted to men, how do you have 4 kids with a man before realizing that you don't like men? Could she be bisexual and just got sick of hubby because he was an ***hole, or maybe she is not REALLY gay she just got sick of hubby and decided that the reason was that she likes women. I think that's kind of weird and disturbing... how would that make you feel if you were the man? "Yeah, my wife left me for a WOMAN. Why, was I not man enough for her?"

Yeah, I feel for the guy. Do you know how humiliating it must be for a man when his wife leaves him for another woman? That type of humiliation is right up there with finding out you are dating your cousin or something along those lines. Yet another reason NOT to get married.
What are you talking about?
This is one of the few men who can honestly say, "after me, as good as I am, there was no point in her even trying other men"

Yeah sure. Like any man is honestly going to think that. You know you would be humiliated as would any man on these boards. You could tell yourself that to try and pep yourself up, but I doubt it would help.

I don't get the whole "humilated" part that you are talking about. I mean so what? People get divorced because they don't love each other all the time ... what is so different about this situation?

cap'n queasy · Joined: 15 May 2004 Posts: 34968

Quote: It's confusing because people's actual behavior doesn't necessarily reflect their true sexual orientation.

This is true. Homosexual behavior doesn't reflect one's natural sexual orientation, instead natural instinct is over-ridden somehow by the desire to participate in deviant sexual behavior.