justagirl111
Joined: 20 Aug 2005
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 12:04 pm Post subject: |
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here is a letter i wrote to my friend:
Hey, how r u? I'm personally fine.
Ppl can't go to a univ/coll b4 army unless they r a very good students and the sub.
they study would use them at the army.
It's not the first I'm writin this letter because my comp is **%$@#$ (I typed it on purpuse like that lol)....
don't u hate it when ur comp get stucked? when u r writin a letter?
Anyway, I'm fine.this letter wont b so authentic I guess because first I wrote it then the comp got stucked, then I waited but 4 sure wrote it down but differently on a notebook, then I'm writin it here differently and in short. don't say I don't invent (is that the right word to use?) from myself. lol.
Anyway, it's very hard for me to talk with u about what happened in Gaza, in the ex-jewish ares which together all call(ed) "Gush Katif".
In short, most Israeli support this step, though it is controversial.
It can by seen as a sector disagreement, most religious (modern religious are those who were fighted against this step, orthodox mostly disagree to it too, but didn't protest ever or anything etc). Most settlers are religious ppl.
Even so many settlers were non religious and some areas from gush katif (ex) were a perfect example for how religious and non religious jews live together in harmony.
My life are going good at it seems ererything is just getting along, but a part of me is dead.
I just focus about myself and I lost a kind of a spirit which I had, it lost with
Gush Katif.
I love(d) Gush Katif though I had never been there, and I admire those ppl which I
wanted to be like.
I don't feel connected as I was to my country and less to the religion, though I have never been a religious person. If before I wonted, now I'm not.
The big faith I had got smaller, it's there but the flame is smaller.
I know there is god, but I don't care about religion. I can't explain. It is just too sad. It's like u know a person is dead but can't accept it.
Tell me if you know a country which did it to her own ppl. Where is our self-
respect? Most Israeli aren't even see that like I do, though most feel sorry for TAhose ppl lived there all there lives, made there children over there.
And they lived there because they believe it is good for the security and also
because of their faith. They had their faith until the bitter end (and it was
ending even b4 the evacuation, because for most ppl it was pretty obvious).
The religious sector, not all, feels he had been betrayed by the country, and until
now most of them served at the army even in some high places, now they not all
sure if they are really part of this country. I hope they won't b like those orthodox dressed in black and are kind of closed communities).
I can feel them thought I'll serve at the army.
I told to a religious guy I knew only from the net that I would b religious and live at Gush Katif (the jewish settlements ex - in GAZA) if there won't be an evacuation - I'll b religous and live in Gush Katif - well, that won't happen. . I wanted it so much. So much I hoped it won't happen. All my feeling then were diff.
He believed until the end it won't happen.
I knew it would, but I didn't knew this is how i'd feel. Instead of sadness I feel empty (spiritualy).
It may sound a naive bulls**t to u, but u can't really understand.
I loved him I think even though I never meet him but after this i'm not, it's like
I have changed, not from the outside, not even from the inside, but really deep down in the inside. Anyway, he doesn't come in on-line anymore. May it b bcause of that sad event.
It's not human. Ppl had reasons to believe they would live there forever, made there
children there,educated them there, loved the place (and still do and it's sad), believed there need to b there for security/religious/others reason, made
there homes theme, made from an area which had nothing but sand a beautiful
blooming, flourishing and successfully placed, and now they have been expelled by our own ppl, for a political reasons.
Do u know about any other country in the world did it to her own ppl? giving territories with getting nothing back which she fairly won trough a war?
We won it, we owened it, we had it in the jewish history.
But I don't care about that, what happen for those ppl isn't human.
Ppl lived and raise thier kids there with a lot of believe. Those are ppl with so much faith.
Let's not even talk about the religious prospective, which says Gaza is a jew's
territory. Places in Gaza are mention in the bible.
I'd b glad if that step would make somehow things better but I am diff and more than
that I can not explain.
I watched the main day of what u call "pullout" from ur news cnn and fox news (have u watched it? if yes where from?) because ur news weren't focused on the crying settlers and the personal stories and I couldn't deal with it emotionally.
over the last few mouths I could hardly see or watch the news.
Our news talked about this almost on the time, but mostly on the political aspects.
B4 all of that I watched the news a lot. so maybe after the next week or more when this story is done, I could watch, read hear news normally again.
because I'm not hearin news that much, I dunno if te settler's homes will be ruined or been given to the Palestinians, and I wish they still could get back to there homes but if to be realistic, they couldn't even enter there.
well. my lifes are just good and peaceful, everything is just getting a long.
Next week will b my second week for me at work.
I'm a cashier at a supermarket.
An old friend which I lost friendship withth works there too, and we got togrther as
friends again. I'll get my marks soon of the matriculation certificate, so I'm looking forward to that, and I'm studding for how to call it...hmmm..."the Israeli SAT".
I'm fine but a part of my heart was dead with Gush Katif.
It's even sad for me because I can't even b sad anymore for those ppl. maybe because now there is no hope and I had to accept it, I dunno. It is over.
What will be now is, Israel will give back more territories to the Palestinians [as
USA and Condolisa raise (I have know idea how to spell her name) press Israel to do, and the Israeli left wings support] or not (right wings). Coundulisa says it should b just the beging.
But I say: never again.
But actually, you know what? I don't care that much anymore.
I'm fine, if I don't dig to my emotions so much, and my life goes well.
Tell me how u r doin,
yours,
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