Political Crossfire Forums

Robin Hood · Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Posts: 3295

If the person I am most sexually attracted to is a man then I'd do the obvious and attempt to get into a relationship - providing I were single, of course.

I have a question of my own: What should one do if a man 'hits' on one and that is unwanted, though flattering?

F'losrix · Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:44 pm Post subject:

Reason wrote: If the person I am most sexually attracted to is a man then I'd do the obvious and attempt to get into a relationship - providing I were single, of course.

I have a question of my own: What should one do if a man 'hits' on one and that is unwanted, though flattering?
Find a way to indicate that you're not interested, up to and including telling them so outright and that you'd prefer to be left alone if they don't want to take the hint.

What do you do when a woman hits on you and you don't have any interest in her? I don't view the two situations as all that different.

Most people will take it in stride. Some will get mad and stomp off in a huff. Some have no apparent attachment to reality and will persist in trying to convince you that you ought to be interested. This last type generally doesn't understand anything than a very harsh 'f**k off already!'. I've had to do that with both men and women, though thankfully not very often.

Robin Hood · Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Posts: 3295

Quote: What do you do when a woman hits on you and you don't have any interest in her? I don't view the two situations as all that different.

I'd talk about my girlfriend in a slightly unsubtle manner.

Quote:
Most people will take it in stride. Some will get mad and stomp off in a huff. Some have no apparent attachment to reality and will persist in trying to convince you that you ought to be interested. This last type generally doesn't understand anything than a very harsh 'f**k off already!'. I've had to do that with both men and women, though thankfully not very often.

Yeah it's just that I had an almost complete stranger constantly reaching across a wide space to place his arm on my shoulder. I greatly appreciate my personal space in all but the company of the woman I love - even my family. So a stranger constantly going into it always makes me feel awkward whether male or female. I sort of smiled and continued the conversation as if nothing had happened and it was just a friendly gesture....but I'd rather not offend the guy, as he was being genuinely nice at the same time.

Æ · Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 5072

Locke25 wrote: tell yourself that it was fake and try to shake it off... definitely. I'm not surprised that that is the most common response.

F'losrix · Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:26 am Post subject:

Reason wrote: Yeah it's just that I had an almost complete stranger constantly reaching across a wide space to place his arm on my shoulder. I greatly appreciate my personal space in all but the company of the woman I love - even my family. So a stranger constantly going into it always makes me feel awkward whether male or female. I sort of smiled and continued the conversation as if nothing had happened and it was just a friendly gesture....but I'd rather not offend the guy, as he was being genuinely nice at the same time.
Hmm. Smiling may not have been the best reaction, as that's generally viewed as encouraging. I'd have gone for a slight scowl accompanied by obvious stiffness. Then if questioned, give the legitimate explanation that while you appreciate the kind intentions of the gesture, it violates what you value as your personal space. Most people will get the hint. Some will see it as a challenge - those are the ones you tell as kindly as possible to knock it off, followed by harsher comments if they persist.

That said, sometimes it's better to just 'grin and bear it' if you don't want to create a scene. You have to choose your battles. Sometimes it's worth being slightly uncomfortable vs. throwing a hissy fit and alienating others that you're with. All you can do then is try to convey your discomfort through non-verbals that are unlikely to escalate.

ToonArmyIsComing · Joined: 15 Feb 2005 Posts: 5888 Location: Ontario

Reason wrote: If the person I am most sexually attracted to is a man then I'd do the obvious and attempt to get into a relationship - providing I were single, of course.

I have a question of my own: What should one do if a man 'hits' on one and that is unwanted, though flattering?

I think you need to act dumb. At least that worked for me.

No-Name · Joined: 23 Dec 2005 Posts: 91

i already have strong emotional attachements to males who are very close to me, something like comradeship i think (damn but that sounded odd) but i have no desite to sodomise them and if i did i would carry on as before and ignore these new sexual urges because i persoannly think its a malfunction in your genetic coding, this by no means means that im not friends with gays, i just woulnt practise gay sex.

No-Name · Joined: 23 Dec 2005 Posts: 91

[quote="Reason"]If the person I am most sexually attracted to is a man then I'd do the obvious and attempt to get into a relationship - providing I were single, of course.

I have a question of my own: What should one do if a man 'hits' on one and that is unwanted, though flattering?
quote]

Explain to them that youre not into the physical side of the experiment but emotionally i dont see why you cant have a realtionship. If he does love you then he wont find the physical part so important that he would split with you and if he does then hes trash.

Saracen · Joined: 01 Dec 2005 Posts: 15867 Location: On Earth

I would either shake it off, or get into a relationship with someone of the opposite gender... but not a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

Robin Hood · Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Posts: 3295

Quote:
Explain to them that youre not into the physical side of the experiment but emotionally i dont see why you cant have a realtionship. If he does love you then he wont find the physical part so important that he would split with you and if he does then hes trash.

In other words, just be their friend...well that's fine, and what I'd do with anyone who seemed interesting.

Sailor Moon · Joined: 22 Sep 2005 Posts: 2782 Location: O-town, Florida

I know alot of heterosexuals are homophobic. I dont think its unnatural to have an attraction to someone of the same sex. Almost everyone does, at some point in their life.

Even acting on it isnt totally abnormal, and it doesnt mean youre bi or gay.. just means you acted on it.

All of us have some level (from what I understand) of attraction to people of BOTH sexes. I do think that acting on the attraction is unnatural, though.

And just for the record, I am not anti homo or homophobic myself, but I do believe that it is sacreligious, and unnatural, very much a "choice" lifestyle, rather than a "state of being", and I definately encourage people to reach out and try to connect with the opposite sex. The reasons for this, is that it seems like more of a fear of intimacy or closeness to the opposite sex, or to people in general, than a truly loving relationship, in every homosexual relationship I have witnessed.

F'losrix · Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:48 pm Post subject:

Sailor Moon wrote: I know alot of heterosexuals are homophobic. I dont think its unnatural to have an attraction to someone of the same sex. Almost everyone does, at some point in their life.

Even acting on it isnt totally abnormal, and it doesnt mean youre bi or gay.. just means you acted on it.

All of us have some level (from what I understand) of attraction to people of BOTH sexes. I do think that acting on the attraction is unnatural, though.
So it's your opinion that it's normal for people act in ways that are unnatural?

Why would you think it's unnatural for someone to act on the attraction? Animals act on their attractions, and human's are basically animals, just highly developed ones. I think it's open to debate whether the human tendency to so often refrain from acting upon their attractions is really 'natural', or a socialized, learned behavior.

Quote: And just for the record, I am not anti homo or homophobic myself, but I do believe that it is sacreligious, and unnatural, very much a "choice" lifestyle, rather than a "state of being"
I'll skip the first two and shoot for the third - how did you develop the opinion that homosexuality is not a 'state of being'?

Quote: and I definately encourage people to reach out and try to connect with the opposite sex. The reasons for this, is that it seems like more of a fear of intimacy or closeness to the opposite sex, or to people in general, than a truly loving relationship, in every homosexual relationship I have witnessed.
BS - you don't know very many homosexual couples that have been in long term relationships, then.

Or just as likely - they aren't going to act like a loving couple around someone like you because they don't want to have to deal with your bulls**t reaction to it. Why do you think we don't hold hands or kiss each other in greeting/farewell in public? 'Cuz we're afraid of someone going nuts and beating the crap out of us for it - that's why!

As for intimacy or closeness to the opposite sex, a lot of gay men have very close female friends. It isn't that we're afraid of heterosexual intimacy - it's that we have almost no desire for it - the same as heterosexuals don't generally feel much desire to be sexually intimate with members of the same sex. As for us being afraid of people in general - you'd probably develop a bit of hesitancy, too, if constantly bombarded with the message that a significant piece of your identity - your sexuality - was considered by the majority to be 'sacreligious', 'unnatural', and something you 'chose'.

Sailor Moon · Joined: 22 Sep 2005 Posts: 2782 Location: O-town, Florida

Skeptical Mystic wrote: Sailor Moon wrote: I know alot of heterosexuals are homophobic. I dont think its unnatural to have an attraction to someone of the same sex. Almost everyone does, at some point in their life.

Even acting on it isnt totally abnormal, and it doesnt mean youre bi or gay.. just means you acted on it.

All of us have some level (from what I understand) of attraction to people of BOTH sexes. I do think that acting on the attraction is unnatural, though.
So it's your opinion that it's normal for people act in ways that are unnatural?

No, its my opinion that attraction comes in many forms. Some temptations are unnatural. I dont think its VERY normal or natural to act on ones sexual temptations, ever, whether its homosexually or heterosexually. It has been happening more LATELY, though.. So in that regard it has become more normal... But overall, no it is not a normal thing to do.

Quote: Why would you think it's unnatural for someone to act on the attraction? Animals act on their attractions, and human's are basically animals, just highly developed ones. I think it's open to debate whether the human tendency to so often refrain from acting upon their attractions is really 'natural', or a socialized, learned behavior.

No, I believe that acting on sexual temptation is much more socialized and learned, and even taught, than not acting on it. Like I said, its not normal, overall. Perhaps its more normal in the USA, but in other countries, there is a very different attitude towards sex. People actually exercise self control in almost every other part of the world, in fact. And we were not created to act like animals, we were created to obey God, and RULE animals, and the world.
Quote:
Quote: And just for the record, I am not anti homo or homophobic myself, but I do believe that it is sacreligious, and unnatural, very much a "choice" lifestyle, rather than a "state of being"
I'll skip the first two and shoot for the third - how did you develop the opinion that homosexuality is not a 'state of being'?

I am sorry you didnt read the full post before having such a knee jerk reaction to it. My answer was already posted:

This is quoted from whats right under these words, anyways, but ok:

"The reasons for this, is that it seems like more of a fear of intimacy or closeness to the opposite sex, or to people in general, than a truly loving relationship, in every homosexual relationship I have witnessed"

Quote: Quote: and I definately encourage people to reach out and try to connect with the opposite sex. The reasons for this, is that it seems like more of a fear of intimacy or closeness to the opposite sex, or to people in general, than a truly loving relationship, in every homosexual relationship I have witnessed.
BS - you don't know very many homosexual couples that have been in long term relationships, then.

Yes I do, and although most of them treat each other with respect to their faces, all of them were very disrespectful, backstabbing, and what not when the other was out of sight or earshot. And although I see them slapping wach others butts and what not, they dont act like they are in love at all.. more like best friends who are pretending together.

Quote: Or just as likely - they aren't going to act like a loving couple around someone like you because they don't want to have to deal with your bulls**t reaction to it. Why do you think we don't hold hands or kiss each other in greeting/farewell in public? 'Cuz we're afraid of someone going nuts and beating the crap out of us for it - that's why!

Shut up. I had sex with a girl once, and have kissed several girls. I used to think I was bisexual, until I realised I was not, and that bisexuality is just a cop out to avoid the opposite sex from time to time. Dont give me your s**t. You dont know what the f**k youre talking about.

Quote: As for intimacy or closeness to the opposite sex, a lot of gay men have very close female friends. It isn't that we're afraid of heterosexual intimacy - it's that we have almost no desire for it - the same as heterosexuals don't generally feel much desire to be sexually intimate with members of the same sex. As for us being afraid of people in general - you'd probably develop a bit of hesitancy, too, if constantly bombarded with the message that a significant piece of your identity - your sexuality - was considered by the majority to be 'sacreligious', 'unnatural', and something you 'chose'.

Sex can always be enjoyable. So can relationships and friendships. Sex for the first time is usually uncomfortable, for most people, regardless of who theyre with. Getting used to something and getting addicted to it, though, I think is the underlying issue. Theres alot of need to "fit in" and such. That explains the 14 year old boy who claimed to be gay, who happened to live on the same street as the church pastors, who happened to be lesbian "life partners"...

Just because something feels good, doesnt make it natural.

Another example, and a gross one, for sure-

Pedophilers. Child molesters feel good when they molest kids. Do you think the kids dont feel good? Sure they do! Physically! Not emotionally. They know its not right, but it still might give them some kind of "pleasure" if you will. Its not exactly a happy experience, I am sure, and I am sure it can confuse a child about their own sexuality and pleasure needs later on in life.

I am not comparing gays to molesters, either, dont get me wrong. I am just saying that just because something feels good, doesnt make it natural or normal.

floridaguy · Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 37 Location: Florida

Another example, and a gross one, for sure-

Pedophilers. Child molesters feel good when they molest kids. Do you think the kids dont feel good? Sure they do! Physically! Not emotionally. They know its not right, but it still might give them some kind of "pleasure" if you will. Its not exactly a happy experience, I am sure, and I am sure it can confuse a child about their own sexuality and pleasure needs later on in life.

I am not comparing gays to molesters, either, dont get me wrong. I am just saying that just because something feels good, doesnt make it natural or normal.[/quote]

Are you saying that straight people having sex is unnatural and abnormal? You know, just because it feels good doesn't make it normal.

F'losrix · Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 1:17 am Post subject:

Sailor Moon wrote: Skeptical Mystic wrote: BS - you don't know very many homosexual couples that have been in long term relationships, then.

Yes I do, and although most of them treat each other with respect to their faces, all of them were very disrespectful, backstabbing, and what not when the other was out of sight or earshot. And although I see them slapping wach others butts and what not, they dont act like they are in love at all.. more like best friends who are pretending together.
I don't believe you. I think you're a huge liar. And I usually make it a practice to avoid name-calling.

But you simply aren't credible on this. Someone who makes the kind of comments that you do about homosexuality and religion is NOT someone the average self-respecting gay person would waste their time on, much less be openly affectionate around with their life partner.

Quote: Shut up. I had sex with a girl once, and have kissed several girls. I used to think I was bisexual, until I realised I was not, and that bisexuality is just a cop out to avoid the opposite sex from time to time.
In other words, you're confused about your sexuality. That explains a lot.

Quote: Sex can always be enjoyable. So can relationships and friendships. Sex for the first time is usually uncomfortable, for most people, regardless of who theyre with. Getting used to something and getting addicted to it, though, I think is the underlying issue. Theres alot of need to "fit in" and such. That explains the 14 year old boy who claimed to be gay, who happened to live on the same street as the church pastors, who happened to be lesbian "life partners"...
You really are fully of s**t, and you know it.

We're done here - you're going on my ignore list for the duration of this thread.

Sailor Moon · Joined: 22 Sep 2005 Posts: 2782 Location: O-town, Florida

floridaguy wrote: Quote: Another example, and a gross one, for sure-

Pedophilers. Child molesters feel good when they molest kids. Do you think the kids dont feel good? Sure they do! Physically! Not emotionally. They know its not right, but it still might give them some kind of "pleasure" if you will. Its not exactly a happy experience, I am sure, and I am sure it can confuse a child about their own sexuality and pleasure needs later on in life.

I am not comparing gays to molesters, either, dont get me wrong. I am just saying that just because something feels good, doesnt make it natural or normal.

Are you saying that straight people having sex is unnatural and abnormal? You know, just because it feels good doesn't make it normal.

No. Heterosexual sex is a natural part of reproduction. It is only unnatural when it is done without the acceptance that the end result may be a child.

Skeptical Mystic- I am not the one hating anyone here. This is an open forum, and my views were not meant to be hurtful or demeaning to you. They are my beliefs, and I have the freedom to express them.

I believe that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice. So what?

I believe it is unnatural. I believe that it reduces the population and the fertility rate. So what? How is this hateful, disrespecting, and full of s**t?

I believe that homosexuality has underlying problems with intimacy and communication problems with the opposite sex. Well, you just said you were ignoring me. You cant even TALK about homosexuality with me, and I have had homosexual experiences. Why is it that I am "confused" about my sexuality, just because I have tried to go both ways because of an attraction? Thats not very open minded of you, you know. And it is proof that you cant communicate with anyone who has a differing opinion than you have, regardless of similar experiences.

Nice.

It just adds to my conviction that homosexuals have a fear of getting close or closer to the opposite sex. I dont know for sure, but thats what has been proven to me time and time again, this time being no exception.

Kinda makes me feel sorry for y'all, really. Come back soon. :-D

Demonic Spoon · Joined: 20 Sep 2004 Posts: 6788 Location: Ohio

OMFG! She had personal experiences that differ from yours! SHES A LIAR!!!!!11111111111111

Just because you're gay does not mean you know how all gay people act. It's moronic that you ignore her because what she says doesn't fit your experience in the matter.

00timh · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 12729 Location: upstate NY

With all of the recent open discussion on homosexuality, Stations such as MTV and TV shows now that are about homosexuality, we haven't seemed to learn a damn thing. One of my favorites that has been repeated on here is of a question, What would you do if you found yourself attracted to the same sex? A typical answer would be I would have sex with women or go be with my girlfriend until it passes. Something would be making you feel that way. Maybe that is what you would do but you would be living in some sort of denial. Then there is you miss moon and when I say this I do not mean to attack you BUT You have stated you have had sex with a woman and have kissed several. What made you do this initially? I've even seen two other people (not sure which thread it was on) who "thought" they were gay and then went to act on it and then discovered they weren't.

My point in all of this is that somehow in society today we are becoming confused and delusional about our sexuality. Honestly I don't know that if some of you are trying so hard to fight through stereotypes, or be accepting of homosexuality or what it is. I just don't see how a person could be so confused, or act on a homosexual acts several times and then say they are not bi sexual.

I can't equate to homosexual experiences but when I was in my late teenage years and early 20's I was infatuated with women who were 15 to 20 years older than me. I never denied to myself that I preferred these older women. I didn't go bragging it up to my friends either because I was affraid that they would think I was a freak. I confided in a few. I had relationships with women who were my age because I could relate to them. Maybe it is easier to accept then homosexuality I guess but I never tried to fight it or deny it to myself. It was a sexual thrill to me to be with someone so much older than me at the time.

I've come to realise that that is the age that I prefer women. Now that I am that age I still prefer women of that age over all others. Soon they will be younger than me. If you fight who you really are you are just going to frustrate yourself and never understand yourself.

Sailor Moon · Joined: 22 Sep 2005 Posts: 2782 Location: O-town, Florida

I only kissed like 3 girls and that was hardly kissing in the first place, and just to see if I liked it. I do like to kiss girls, but not french kissing. I didnt french any other girls, except my ex best friend, who proclaimed she was bi and she kissed me, for real.. I felt bad about it but I figured why not experiment a little and kiss back for real. Then she later, like a month later wanted to have sex. It was so stupid cause I had to drink a few just to even do it.

It was an experiment on how attracted I was to the same sex. I am VERY attracted to women, but believe me, sex is just out of the question. It was very uncomfortable and just didnt do anything for me. Even the small pleasure it brought was not worth it. I dont want to get used to that. Its not real sex. Real sex is between a man and a woman. And the two of us had "man" issues at the time, as well, since we both had recent break ups, so it explains alot.

That doesnt change my turn ons. I get off still on watching lesbian sex. I just cant do it, myself. Its unnatural. And just because someone has experiences something doesnt make them bi. Thats ridiculous. LOL!

F'losrix · Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 10:23 am Post subject:

Demonic Spoon wrote: OMFG! She had personal experiences that differ from yours! SHES A LIAR!!!!!
That isn't why I think she's a liar.

Quote: Just because you're gay does not mean you know how all gay people act.
Certainly true. I do, however, have a great deal more experience interacting with a diverse population of gay people than the average heterosexual person is likely to be able to claim. In fact, probably more than the average gay person could claim, having led a discussion group serving the gay community of a small city and having been an active member of the local political action group there focused on issues of interest to that community.

Quote: It's moronic that you ignore her because what she says doesn't fit your experience in the matter.
And that's not why I'm ignoring her.