Political Crossfire Forums

F'losrix

This one's aimed at gay members of the forum, but I suppose heterosexuals could answer it, too.

How 'obvious' do you think your sexual orientation is to other people who don't already know you?

What words would you use to describe how you think you appear to others?

PrinceJunius · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:08 pm Post subject:

I'm not obvious at all. I don't sound gay, I don't look gay, I don't dress gay, I don't act gay, and I don't talk gay. So basically, I don't fit the stereotype. If you met me, you would never know I was gay unless I told you.

F'losrix · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:32 pm Post subject:

PrinceJunius wrote: I'm not obvious at all. I don't sound gay, I don't look gay, I don't dress gay, I don't act gay, and I don't talk gay. So basically, I don't fit the stereotype. If you met me, you would never know I was gay unless I told you.
But what does it actually mean to look, dress, act or talk 'gay', and why are those behaviors thought of as a means to identify gay people when they clearly don't work on all of us and might cause some people to be misidentified as such who are actually straight?

What I'm looking for here is a description of the things you perceive as making you appear 'not gay' vs. those that you think would cause others to identify you as gay.

StrangerWitCandy · Joined: 02 Feb 2005 Posts: 5453 Location: Fairfax, VA

people usually think i'm joking when i tell them i'm gay. some people have had suspicions before, the ones with really good gaydars i suppose or who i spend an extensive amount of time with. my gaydar is horrible though. but most people don't take me seriously at first when i tell them i'm gay, which i guess is a good indicator that i'm not exactly 'flaming'.

PrinceJunius · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 3:50 pm Post subject:

Quote: What I'm looking for here is a description of the things you perceive as making you appear 'not gay' vs. those that you think would cause others to identify you as gay.

Well:

- I don't walk with my hips flailing, my wrists limping, or my legs prancing. I walk like a clumsy caveman.

- I don't talk with a lisp, nor do I have a high-pitched or airy voice. My voice is actually pretty deep, with a slight Midwestern accent.

- I don't put "product" in my hair, nor do I do anything fancy with it. I brush it occasionally, maybe even wash it if I feel like it.

- I don't wear articles of clothing that could also be worn on females. Basically, you'll never see me in a thong, a tanktop, tight pants, or anything like that.

- I don't have any piercings on my face.

- I am not a drama queen, nor am I flamboyant in my actions. I am actually very plain and unemotional.

- I don't have good manners at all. I burp at the table, put my feet up on the couch, and throw my clothes all over my room.

These are some specific things that I think make me not so gay-acting.

John · Joined: 02 Jun 2004 Posts: 23739

PrinceJunius wrote: I'm not obvious at all. I don't sound gay, I don't look gay, I don't dress gay, I don't act gay, and I don't talk gay. So basically, I don't fit the stereotype. If you met me, you would never know I was gay unless I told you.

Except when you're painting your finger nails. :wink:

PrinceJunius · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 4:10 pm Post subject:

John wrote:
Except when you're painting your finger nails. :wink:

:!oops:

Locke25 · Joined: 12 Mar 2005 Posts: 3636 Location: Georgia

PrinceJunius wrote: Quote: What I'm looking for here is a description of the things you perceive as making you appear 'not gay' vs. those that you think would cause others to identify you as gay.

Well:

- I don't walk with my hips flailing, my wrists limping, or my legs prancing. I walk like a clumsy caveman.

- I don't talk with a lisp, nor do I have a high-pitched or airy voice. My voice is actually pretty deep, with a slight Midwestern accent.

- I don't put "product" in my hair, nor do I do anything fancy with it. I brush it occasionally, maybe even wash it if I feel like it.

- I don't wear articles of clothing that could also be worn on females. Basically, you'll never see me in a thong, a tanktop, tight pants, or anything like that.

- I don't have any piercings on my face.

- I am not a drama queen, nor am I flamboyant in my actions. I am actually very plain and unemotional.

- I don't have good manners at all. I burp at the table, put my feet up on the couch, and throw my clothes all over my room.

These are some specific things that I think make me not so gay-acting.

Is putting your feet up on the couch not good manners? :?

PrinceJunius · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 4:14 pm Post subject:

Locke25 wrote:

Is putting your feet up on the couch not good manners? :?

According to my mother it is. But I usually do it with shoes on.

F'losrix · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 4:49 pm Post subject:

PrinceJunius wrote: Quote: What I'm looking for here is a description of the things you perceive as making you appear 'not gay' vs. those that you think would cause others to identify you as gay.

Well:

- I don't walk with my hips flailing, my wrists limping, or my legs prancing. I walk like a clumsy caveman.

- I don't talk with a lisp, nor do I have a high-pitched or airy voice. My voice is actually pretty deep, with a slight Midwestern accent.

- I don't put "product" in my hair, nor do I do anything fancy with it. I brush it occasionally, maybe even wash it if I feel like it.

- I don't wear articles of clothing that could also be worn on females. Basically, you'll never see me in a thong, a tanktop, tight pants, or anything like that.

- I don't have any piercings on my face.

- I am not a drama queen, nor am I flamboyant in my actions. I am actually very plain and unemotional.

- I don't have good manners at all. I burp at the table, put my feet up on the couch, and throw my clothes all over my room.

These are some specific things that I think make me not so gay-acting.
Now let me ask you another question. Why do you associate those things with 'acting gay'? Is it because of gay people you've encountered who do act this way? Or is it the way you see gay people portrayed by the media? Or both?

PrinceJunius · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 4:51 pm Post subject:

Skeptical Mystic wrote:
Now let me ask you another question. Why do you associate those things with 'acting gay'? Is it because of gay people you've encountered who do act this way? Or is it the way you see gay people portrayed by the media? Or both?

Both.

As much as I hate to admit it, there are a fair amount of gay people who act like the above, but only because they feel like they need to in order to fit into the larger community. It's not like all gay people are like that, but most openly gay people I meet have at least half of these characteristics.

F'losrix · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 5:01 pm Post subject:

PrinceJunius wrote: Skeptical Mystic wrote:
Now let me ask you another question. Why do you associate those things with 'acting gay'? Is it because of gay people you've encountered who do act this way? Or is it the way you see gay people portrayed by the media? Or both?

Both.

As much as I hate to admit it, there are a fair amount of gay people who act like the above, but only because they feel like they need to in order to fit into the larger community. It's not like all gay people are like that, but most openly gay people I meet have at least half of these characteristics.
I take it you mean the larger gay community?

I'll have to do some research. Now that I'm thinking about it, I've seen references to the stereotype that pre-date TV & film. So how the heck did it ever get started and why can't we break free from it?

PrinceJunius · Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:44 pm Post subject:

Quote: So how the heck did it ever get started and why can't we break free from it?

That's an easy one. Conformity. Even gay people suffer through it. Of course, being the independent "I don't give a crap about anyone else" person that I am, I don't show a lot of conformity with the larger gay community.

But just as straight people have certain traits (fashion-wise, personality-wise, action-wise) that they have to conform to, so do gay people as well. It's kind of sad, but conformity affects every part of society. It's a natural human trait.

Jay2014 · Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 1243

i guess my sexualitiy is not that obvious. i am straight, but have been asked a few times if i were gay (mainly because i dont feel the need (that most 20 year old males have) to run around talking about my "conquests" with everyone. ive been told that someone thought i was gay because they never heard me talking about looking for "p****"

Jezebel · Joined: 08 Feb 2005 Posts: 390 Location: Houston, TX

PrinceJunius wrote:
- I don't have any piercings on my face.

Most people I know, male or female, who have facial piercings are not gay. In fact I have a facial piercing and I'm not a lesbian. Also, you're only 13 so unless your mom let you get pierced at your age (which most parents won't), you wouldn't have one by default. :)

As for the topic at hand, I think my sexuality is well known to people close to me. Sometimes I wear lots of makeup, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I wear cute dresses or feminine clothes, other times I'm wearing shirts covered in oil stains and ripped up jeans covered in old paint to work on or wash my car. 8)

Valdimar · Joined: 12 Dec 2004 Posts: 711 Location: San Francisco

Being 'obviously' gay is living and acting out of the social contruct of gender roles. According to most, I'm in the middle ground as for being determined to be gay and not heterosexual. I'll list the following examples:

-I care about my hair. I use product to make it look nice and make sure it's styled to my likings several times a day. I also frost my bangs once a month and cut my hair at least every other week.

-My navel is pierced.

-I work out and maintain a proper diet to look good, not to be healthy.

-I never check girls out nor am I responsive to girls that are obviously flirting with me.

-90% of the time, I exhibit masculine mannerisms. Every now and then, you will catch me crossing my legs, flailing my arms, snapping my fingers, or smacking my lips.

-When appropriate, I wear trendy, revealing clothes which include short, tight shirts that I buy out of the boys section and hip hugging slacks or jeans that are a size or two too small for me.

Some won't want to be seen with me in public in my "moments", others don't give a crap. Those that are uncomfortable with the above mentioned examples would deem me a flaming homo, some will view me as in the middle that has my moments, while others will consider me mild to "straight-acting".

I am who I am. I don't really like to label myself, but if it makes you feel better to label me, than more power to you. I mean, straight to me means "straight to bed" since I don't like to view myself as crooked.

Soldier of Humanity · Joined: 05 Mar 2005 Posts: 975 Location: The Royal City

I'm actually a pretty feminine guy and a couple people have thought i was gay(includung a gay guywho liked me...akward) but i am not.

eXploiTeD · Joined: 05 Nov 2004 Posts: 7997

John wrote: PrinceJunius wrote: I'm not obvious at all. I don't sound gay, I don't look gay, I don't dress gay, I don't act gay, and I don't talk gay. So basically, I don't fit the stereotype. If you met me, you would never know I was gay unless I told you.

Except when you're painting your finger nails. :wink:

I used to paint my fingernails. I'm certainly not gay.

Evildonut · Joined: 10 Sep 2004 Posts: 1484 Location: The Hawkeye State

I uh, have painted my nails a few times too...

eXploiTeD · Joined: 05 Nov 2004 Posts: 7997

Evildonut wrote: I uh, have painted my nails a few times too...

:lol:

Nothing to be ashamed of. Whats the difference between putting gel in your hair and putting on nail polish? It's all an attempt to improve your actual self-image... I don't do it anymore, but when I did, I thought it looked damned good.